Protecting Marriage From ... Southern Conservative Christians!

In light of the proposed antigay marriage amendment, here's some interesting news on a true threat to this institution.

From The Daily Texan: According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average divorce rate in the United States is 47.9 percent. A recent study conducted by University of Iowa sociology professor Jennifer Glass found that conservative Christians, especially those in the South, are among the groups most likely to divorce.

Presenting her findings at the University of Texas at Austin Glass said, “Politically and religiously conservative states, especially in the Deep South, exhibit higher divorce rates than politically and religiously liberal states in the Northeast and Midwest.”

Glass identified a number of factors contributing to this statistical reality. She suggested that the prohibition of sex before marriage among Christians leads to marriage at an earlier age, and compared that to lower divorce rates among residents in more liberal and less religious areas who are more likely to live together for extended periods of time.

Glass also noted that teachings against abortion and birth control lead to “shotgun weddings,” which accelerate young conservative Protestants into adulthood and early marriages. She compared those teen marriages to the average age of marriage for American women, which is 27.



The study also noted that young married conservatives in southern states have higher divorce rates because of financial concerns and problems relating to lower degrees of education and increased unemployment.

Despite these findings, Equality NC remains committed to the ideal that all citizens in North Carolina deserve access to the same rights (even conservative Christians, though are focus is on the marginalized and commonly discriminated against LGBT community). To help us work to stop the current attempt to make LGBT North Carolinians into second-class citizens, click here.

Valentiny Activism

GetEQUAL and Marriage Equality USA are staging protests across the country to show the inequality in our nation's marriage laws.

"Over the weekend and this afternoon, LGBT activists across the country took action at marriage counters and city halls across the country, drawing attention to the fact that loving couples – some of whom have been together for decades – are still living as second-class citizens without the right to marry."

One of those protests is occurring right here in Asheville, NC.

“Today, we're so proud of all the people taking actions across the country,” said Robin McGehee, director of GetEQUAL. “We're thrilled with how many people across the country have decided that enough is enough, and have committed to organizing in their own communities in order to draw attention to their desire to marry the person they love.”

Molly McKay, media director of Marriage Equality USA, said, “The actions that have taken place across the country are just one more way that we are bringing discrimination out of the shadows and into the light, highlighting the loving relationships that are thriving throughout the country despite government-sanctioned discrimination.”

GetEQUAL will be posting photos and video on its Facebook page throughout the day.

Family Blogging

In the wake of the NC Supreme Court decision that voided gay second-parent adoption in the state (*sigh*), here are some gay family blogs.

While this decision is a setback here in North Carolina, there was an upside. The court decision also affirmed gay joint custody, which was decided by the Court of Appeals a couple of years ago.

If you're a co-parent, go here for a roadmap on how to take affirmative action - by your behavior, by conveying your intentions clearly to each other, by your agreements with each other, and by what you put in writing - to codify your desire to serve as co-parents.

Obviously you should consult a lawyer for creating legal agreements. The important thing, however, is to take steps now to show your intention to raise your kid(s) together.

In the meantime, however, share the joy (and hassle) of other LGBT families raising their children:

• Celebrating All Families, celebratingallfamilies.blogspot.com/
• Dads in the Burbs, dadsintheburbs.blogspot.com/
• Jesus has Two Daddies, jesushas2daddies.blogspot.com/
• Julie Shapiro (a lawyer’s blog on L/G adoption), julieshapiro.wordpress.com/
• Me and She, me-n-she.blogspot.com/
• Mother Issues, motherissues.wordpress.com/
• My Two Dads, patrickandcarl.blogspot.com/
• Those Two Daddies, thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com/
• Two Dads, One Girl, twodadsonegirl.blogspot.com/

Hard Science, Gay Parents, Good Kids

Family values are often brought up in the discussion of marriage equality, usually in the context of questioning how gay folks do as parents.

Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Standford, recently added some new scientific data to the growing collection of LGBT-family-affirming studies. Most notably, his facts and figures come the country’s largest source of data, the U.S. Census. In a study published this month in the journal Demography, Rosenfeld concludes that children being raised by same-sex couples have the same educational achievement as children raised by married heterosexual couples.

“The census data show that having parents who are the same gender is not in itself any disadvantage to children,” he said. “Parents’ income and education are the biggest indicators of a child’s success. Family structure is a minor determinant.”

In fact, Rosenfeld’s study shows that children of gay and married couples had lower grade-repetition rates than their peers raised by opposite-sex unmarried couples and single parents. And all children living in some type of family environment did much better than those living in group housing.

“One of the fundamental issues in modern family law that differs from state to state is whether same-sex couples can adopt,” Rosenfeld said. “My research makes clear that there’s a huge advantage to kids to be out of the care of the state and into the care of any family.”

Because gays and lesbians make up a smaller proportion of the American population (and those with children are a just tiny sliver), it has been difficult for researchers to conduct a representative study of how their children perform in the classroom. Opponents of marriage equality often criticize earlier studies for having sample sizes that are too small.

“Sample size is power,” Rosenfeld said. “And the census is the biggest sample we have. This study is based on a sample of thousands and thousands of kids.”

Despite the fact that the cost of becoming parents may be higher for gays and lesbians than for heterosexual couples, gay couples who did have children had substantially lower income and educational attainment than gay and lesbian
couples in general. Nevertheless, their kids did well.

Children of gay parents also tended to be racial minorities. Only 22.9% of children of heterosexual married couples are black or Hispanic, whereas 41.6% of children of gay men are black or Hispanic, and 37.1% of children of lesbians are black or Hispanic.

“Social scientists have an obligation to shed light where they can on issues that are roiling the public,” he said. “Sometimes we have to throw up our hands and admit that something is unknowable. But in this case, we could bring some real hard data to bear on an area that was otherwise really in the dark.”

"The analysis in this article, the first to use large-sample, nationally-representative data, shows that children raised by same-sex couples have no fundamental deficits in making normal progress through school. The core finding here offers a measure of validation for the prior, and much-debated, small-sample studies."

(I remember the first time I heard one of my kid's friends lament the unfairness of not having two dads. Who knew how truly disadvantaged he was? Still, it behooves us all not to hold any child's parentage against him! 8-])

Being Heard

Thanks to Equality NC supporter and volunteer, Tim, for this personal experience.

"I want to relate a recent success story for equality here in North Carolina.

It happened last Tuesday as a result of NOM's marriage discrimination tour stop in Raleigh. That evening I was watching News Channel 14, the Time Warner Cable 24 hours news channel, and they had a "teaser" for the upcoming coverage of the event. I left the channel on in order to see the news coverage.

Overall the news coverage was both fair and positive. The reporter highlighted the fact that there were more than double the number of pro-equality supporters at the event as there were people supporting NOM's anti-equality position.

But, the reporter used the terms "homosexual marriage" and "homosexuals" during the coverage instead of the acceptable terms of "marriage equality," "same-sex marriage," "LGBT," or "gays and lesbians." I was offended by this, so I took action. I immediately contacted News Channel 14 by email through their web site. I asked them to please stop using the offensive language, explained why the language was offensive, explained what terms were acceptable, and referred them to the AP Style Guide for further advice.

News Channel 14 responded positively to me within an hour. They apologized to me, explained that they knew it was wrong, said that it was against their existing policy and was a mistake, said they were already in the process of correcting it, and said they planned to use the incident as a "teachable moment" for their entire staff.

News Channel 14 did the right thing. In fact they thanked me for bringing the issue to their attention and did everything they could to make corrections as swiftly as possible and take the appropriate steps to stop this from happening in the future. I made sure to thank them for their positive response as well.

Moral of the story? One person can make a difference. You just have to believe you can and make the effort."


Thanks to Tim for taking the time and effort to do this and for telling the tale. One person's efforts can result in a positive change that's seen by hundreds or thousands. There's no telling how far-reaching a single positive action will be.

(If something about reporting on an equality issue or LGBT-related story catches your attention, in addition to the standard AP Style Guide, GLAAD has a great Media Reference Guide for gay-positive and affirming language standards, and the Movement Advancement Project offers guides on talking about all kinds of LGBT issues, including relationship recognition and marriage.)

Bar None - American Bar Association Supports Marriage Equality

Lawyers and legal associations are often considered to be staid, conservative groups, slow to change, quick to maintain the status quo.

Last week, The American Bar Association made this resolution at its annual meeting:

"RESOLVED, That the American Bar Association urges state, territorial, and tribal governments to eliminate all of their legal barriers to civil marriage between two persons of the same sex who are otherwise eligible to marry."

The ABA is the nation’s leading legal organization that recommends judges and sets national standards for attorneys. This resolution was adopted as an affirmation that every American is vested with certain inalienable rights and that all Americans are created equal. The ABA’s action shows that there is a broad consensus among legal scholars and practitioners that that excluding LGBT folks marriage violates their constitutional right to due process and equal protection.

This is a huge step forward and certainly indicative of changing societal attitudes.

Even here in North Carolina our local bar association is looking at making some progress, though nothing quite as dramatic. The NC Bar Association is currently considering an update to the preamble to its Rules of Professional Conduct that would urge lawyers not to discriminate in their practices "on the basis of race, gender, national origin, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity." (Those last two are the significant ones.)

It's not exactly marriage equality and equal application of laws to all people, but it's still a start.

ACT NOW: Call on NBC to Open Today Show Wedding Contest! Marriage Equality and Family Fairness

UPDATE, 7/9/10 - Today Show reverses course, opens contest to LGBT couples. SUCCESS! Thanks to everyone who acted!


(Thanks to ENC Communication Intern Matthew McGibney.)

The “Modern Day Wedding Contest” on NBC’s Today Show wants to throw the perfect wedding for a pair of contestants … as long as the couple is straight. Not very modern! (Especially when you consider that the Today Show welcomed gay couples in their past “Hometown Wedding Contest.”)

The Today Show is accepting applications for its contest until this Friday, July 9. The winning couple’s wedding will be broadcast live in October, and their honeymoon will be paid for by the show. That sounds like a ton of fun, but it’s only for people who can enter “bride” and “groom” separately on the website.

Good As You noticed this quirk and brought it to the attention of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD). When GLAAD contacted the show for an explanation, they got this response:

“For the TODAY show wedding, the couple must be able to be legally married in New York, which is where the wedding will take place."

As you might have realized, New York hasn't established marriage equality. But as GLAAD points out, the show is looking to award a wedding ceremony, not a marriage certificate. New York State recognizes marriage certificates from other states, including those with equal marriage laws.

Here is the problem in The Today Show's reasoning in GLAAD’s own words:

“NBC is mistakenly equating the marriage license with the wedding celebration. Same-sex weddings are entirely legal in New York State. As long as the marriage license is conferred upon the same-sex couple by another state, New York State recognizes the marriage as a fully valid and legal one. NBC’s exclusion of same-sex couples from its contest is not motivated by the law, but bias against these couples.”

GLAAD started an action campaign against the show’s actions. You can find more information on the campaign here: http://www.glaad.org/2010/calltoaction/todayshow

Back here in North Carolina, Equality NC is gearing up to counter the myths spun by the Summer Marriage Inequality Tour (as we’ve taken to calling it) by the National Organization for Marriage, whom you might remember for their role in the passage of Prop 8 in California. The tour, which pushes for heterosexual-only marriage, will pass through Raleigh in August.

We’ll be starting a blog this summer with stories from LGBT and allied couples about their marriages, relationships, and families. Bigotry is based on ignorance, and by sharing the stories of our families, both biological and of-choice, we can show the reality of diversity and starkly show the unfairness of discrimination and how it affects us, our loved ones, and our children.

If you have a story about your family or relationship, we very much encourage you to share it with us. There are two ways you can do this:

1. You can write your story and e-mail it to matthew@equalitync.org. Include a photo of your family, too!

2. You can record a video (with your webcam or video camera), upload it to YouTube, and then e-mail us the link. Or if you prefer, you can skip the uploading and e-mail us the video file and we'll upload it for you.

Stay tuned for more ....

What the activist saw ...

... at last night's LGBT Pride Month reception in the White House. Equality NC's Executive Director Ian Palmquist was in attendance.

You can watch the video here at the White House's website.

Here's the text:

THE PRESIDENT: Hello, hello, hello! (Applause.) Hello, everybody! (Applause.) I was going to say welcome to the White House -- but you guys seem like you feel right at home. (Laughter.) You don't need me to tell you -- it’s the people’s house.

A couple of acknowledgements that I want to make very quickly -- first of all, our Director of the Office of Personnel Management, who has just done an extraordinary job across the government -- give John Berry a big round of applause. (Applause.)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: All right, John.

THE PRESIDENT: All right, John! (Laughter.)

Our chair of the Export/Import Bank, helping to bring jobs here to the United States of America -- Fred Hochberg. (Applause.) Our chair of the Council on Environmental Quality, doing outstanding work each and every day -- Nancy Sutley. Where is she? (Applause.) Nancy is a little vertically challenged, but I see her over there. (Laughter.)

We've got here a trailblazer for federal appointees -- we are so proud of her -- Ms. Roberta Achtenberg is here. Give Roberta a big round of applause. (Applause.) And then I understand we've got a terrific country singer -- Chely Wright is in the house. (Applause.)

In addition -- I know they had to leave because they had votes, but you guys obviously don't have just fiercer warriors on your behalf than a couple of our openly gay and lesbian members of Congress -- Tammy Baldwin and Jared Polis. (Applause.) They are openly terrific. (Laughter.) They do great work.

And it is also great to have so many activists and organizers from around the country -- folks who fight every day for the rights of parents and children and partners and citizens to be treated equally under the law. And so we are very proud of all of you. (Applause.)

Oh, and by the way, the guy standing next to me -- this is Joe Biden. (Applause.) Just because he’s a Phillies fan -- he’s from Delaware. (Laughter.)

Now, look, the fact that we’ve got activists here is important because it’s a reminder that change never comes -- or at least never begins in Washington. It begins with acts of compassion -– and sometimes defiance -– across America. It begins when ordinary people –- out of love for a mother or a father, son or daughter, or husband or wife -– speak out against injustices that have been accepted for too long. And it begins when these impositions of conscience start opening hearts that had been closed, and when we finally see each other’s humanity, whatever our differences.

Now, this struggle is as old as America itself. It’s never been easy. But standing here, I am hopeful. One year ago, in this room, we marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall protests. (Applause.) Some of you were here, and you may remember that I pledged then that even at a time when we faced enormous challenges both on the economy and in our foreign policy, that we would not put aside matters of basic equality. And we haven’t.

We’ve got a lot of hard work that we still have to do, but we can already point to extraordinary progress that we’ve made over the past year on behalf of Americans who are gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgender.

Just stay with me here for a second. Last year, I met with Judy Shepard, Matthew Shepard’s mom, and I promised her that after a decade’s-long struggle, we would pass inclusive hate crimes legislation. I promised that in the name of her son we would ensure that the full might of the law is brought down on those who would attack somebody just because they are gay. And less than six months later, with Judy by my side, we marked the enactment of the Matthew Shepard Act. It’s now the law of the land. (Applause.)

Just a few moments ago, I met with Janice Langbehn and her children. Where did Janice go? There they are right there. And when Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa, suddenly collapsed because of an aneurysm, Janice and the couple’s three kids were denied the chance to comfort their partner and their mom -- barred from Lisa’s bedside. It was wrong. It was cruel. And in part because of their story, I instructed my Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, to make sure that any hospital that’s participating in Medicare or Medicaid -– that means most hospitals -- (laughter) -- allow gay and lesbian partners the same privileges and visitation rights as straight partners. (Applause.)

After I issued that memorandum, I called Janice and I told her the news. And before we came out here today, I wanted to make sure that I had followed up -- Secretary Sebelius will officially be proposing this regulation. And I can also announce that the Secretary has sent a letter today asking these hospitals to adopt these changes now -– even before the rule takes effect. (Applause.) Nothing can undo the hurt that her -- that Janice’s family has experienced. And nothing can undo the pain felt by countless others who’ve been through a similar ordeal –- for example, Charlene Strong is here. She lost her wife, Kate Fleming -- and Charlene is here along with Kate’s mom, who said on behalf of all mothers, thank you. Because we think it’s the right thing to do. (Applause.)

In addition, I’ve issued an executive order[SIC]* to extend as many partnership benefits to gay and lesbian federal employees as possible under current law. And I’m going to continue to fight to change the law: to guarantee gay federal employees the exact same benefits as straight employees -– including access to health insurance and retirement plans. (Applause.) And in an announcement today, the Department of Labor made clear that under the Family and Medical Leave Act, same-sex couples –- as well as others raising children -– are to be treated like the caretakers that they are. (Applause.)

Because I believe in committed -- I believe that committed gay and lesbian couples deserve the same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country, I have called for Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. (Applause.) We are pushing hard to pass an inclusive employee non-discrimination bill. (Applause.) No one in America should be fired because they’re gay. It’s not right, it’s not who we are as Americans, and we are going to put a stop to it.

And finally, we’re going to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. (Applause.) That is a promise I made as a candidate. It is a promise that I reiterated as President. It’s one that this administration is going to keep. Now, the only way to lock this in -– the only way to get the votes in Congress to roll back this policy -- is if we work with the Pentagon, who are in the midst of two wars.

And that’s why we were gratified to see, for the first time ever, the Secretary of Defense, Bob Gates, testify in favor of repeal. And the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mike Mullen, has repeatedly and passionately argued for allowing gay men and women to serve honestly in the military. (Applause.) We know that forcing gay and lesbian soldiers to live a lie or to leave the military, that doesn’t contribute to our security -- it harms our security.

And thanks to Patrick Murphy and others, for the first time in history, the House has passed a repeal that would allow gay men and women to openly serve in our armed forces. And this repeal is authored so that the Pentagon can complete its review of the policy -- which is critical, by the way, not only to passage, but it’s also critical to making sure that the change is accepted and implemented effectively. In the Senate, the Armed Services Committee has approved repeal for the first time, and the full body is poised to vote soon.

So here’s the bottom line: We have never been closer to ending this discriminatory policy. And I’m going to keep on fighting until that bill is on my desk and I can sign it. (Applause.)

Of course, ultimately, change is about more than just policies in our government. And that’s why I want to close by recognizing all the young people who are here -– I had a chance to take a bunch of pictures with them, just really impressive folks who are advocating on their behalf. I know there are some in the audience who have experienced pain in their lives, who at times have been -- felt like outcasts, who have been scorned or bullied, and I know that there are families here on behalf of loved ones who are no longer with us, some in part because of the particularly difficult challenges that gay men and women still face.

This is a reminder that we all have an obligation to ensure that no young person is ever made to feel worthless or alone -- ever. Now, at the same time, I think there’s plenty of reason to have some hope for many of the young people including those who are here today. They’ve shown incredible courage and incredible integrity -- standing up for who they are. They’ve refused to be anything less than themselves.

And we all remember being young -- sort of. (Laughter.) But it’s not easy. It’s not easy standing up all the time and being who you are. But they're showing us the way forward. These young people are helping to build a more perfect union, a nation where all of us are equal; each of us is free to pursue our own versions of happiness.

And I believe because of them that the future is bright. It’s certainly bright for them. Of course, it does depend on all of us. It depends on the efforts of government and the activism of ordinary citizens like yourselves. It depends on the love of families and the support of communities. And I want you all to know that as this work continues, I’m going to be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you, fighting by your side every step of the way. (Applause.)

So, thank you. God bless you. God bless the United States of America. (Applause.)

Pride In Executive Action

(Thanks to ENC Communication Intern Matthew McGibney.)

Last week, President Obama marked the beginning of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month with an executive proclamation, and this week he invited our very own Ian Palmquist to a White House reception in honor of the month.

While it is up for debate whether we’ve seen the “fierce advocate” we were promised on the campaign trail, President Obama has taken some concrete steps for LGBT rights, and Pride Month gives us a great chance to review them.

In his proclamation, President Obama pointed to the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which expands the federal hate-crimes law to include provisions for sexual orientation and gender identity.

He also mentioned the elimination of the HIV entry ban and his renewal of the Ryan White CARE Act, which supports around 500,000 people with HIV/AIDS each year nationally. The CARE Act is especially important here in NC because it provides funding for our AIDS Drug Assistance Program, which is in some serious trouble.

President Obama released a presidential memorandum expanding the hospital visitation rights of LGBT patients, citing a policy that we, Equality NC, pushed for and got passed here in North Carolina. (Who said local politics can't make a difference?)

There’s still much more he can do on a national level. In the proclamation, he spoke in support of LGBT adoption rights, ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and repealing the Defense of Marriage Act.

While the DADT repeal process has garnered allegations of stalling and the president has come out against full same-sex marriage rights, I'm hopeful that his presidency will continue the march toward equality.

Of course, he won’t be able to lead that particular parade by himself. You can contact your U.S. Senator (Republican Richard Burr at (202) 224-3154 and Democrat Kay Hagan at (202) 224-6342) and ask them to support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and repeal DADT, two issues currently on the agenda.

1,138

One-thousand one-hundred thirty-eight: That's the number of federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality, according to the General Accounting Office (GAO).

Here are two new resources that want to address the issue of marriage inequality:

Project 1138

Equality Forum, a national and international gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) civil rights organization, has launched the Project 1138 Web site, along with Facebook and Twitter pages.

"What Is Project 1138? Project 1138 increases awareness of the 1,138 federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality.

How Did It Originate? In January 1997, Senator Bill Frist, the Republican Majority Leader, asked the General Accounting Office (GAO) to identify how many federal benefits were contingent on being married. The GAO reported that the number of federal benefits was 1,138.

Share Your Story. For more than a thousand reasons, YOUR relationship deserves equal treatment under the law. Take a stand against marriage inequality and share your story. Participate in Equality Forum's Project 1138 blog! Separate is not Equal. Separate is not Equality. "

DOMA Stories: Federal Marriage Discrimination Hurts Families

Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, New England's leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression, has created this resource.

"The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day. Here we share some of those stories. In 1996, Congress passed and President Clinton signed the "Defense of Marriage Act."

DOMA ensured that when states ended their own bans on same-sex couples marrying, the federal government would disregard their marital status for purposes of all 1,138 federal laws in which martial status is a factor. Never before in our nation's history has the federal government disrespected a class of marriages for all federal purposes; the federal government has long relied on states to define marriage.

In 2010, same-sex couples can legally marry in five states and the District of Columbia, and this number will continue to grow. Yet married same-sex couples are denied all of the protections the federal government otherwise makes available to married people. The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day — from higher tax burdens, to an inability to provide for a spouse's health care, to denial of family medical leave and the safety net of social security and survivor benefits the federal government offers all other married partners.

In these stories, loving couples, widows and widowers, from all walks of life, describe how DOMA hurts their families. A new story will be added each week, so please check back often."

Marriage equality is, in many ways, the ultimate expression of equality in our society. Working together, we can get this brass -- or rather, gold -- ring.

Post-Valentine's: Whoopi for Marriage Equality, Just The Facts, Binational Couples

This year, Freedom to Marry Week wrapped up on Valentine's weekend.

Ironically, this weekend thousands of couples chose to tie the knot by entering into civil marriage, but of course, here in North Carolina, none of them were gay.

Many gay couples did indeed celebrate their love, but they weren't able to take part in any of the more than 1,000 rights given by civil marriage.

Still, the marriage equality movement is advancing. A couple of decades ago, it was unthinkable that gay couples would get married, and now we have five states (with D.C. pending) that treat LGBT couples like all other citizens.

Here are three things to note with regard to couple equality:

1)
The conversation around marriage equality is first and foremost about real families, real couples, and real children, who need and deserve the security, clarity, and respect that comes with marriage.

In honor of black history month, the Freedom To Marry Coalition has produced a high-profile list of 10 African-Americans Who Support the Freedom to Marry. You'll recognize the names, and you'll be impressed.

2)

Marriage Equality: Facts and Resources

(Crossposted from Gideon Alper's fantastic Gay Couples Law Blog on 1/18/10.)

Statistics and facts for same-sex marriage can be hard to find. Marriage equality is in the news a lot, but a lot of people just want unbiased information before deciding how they feel about it.

Here's what you need to know:

Support

Latest statistics:

• 41% support marriage equality for gay couples
  
• 49% oppose it
• 10% say it depends/are unsure

Historical trend of increasing support:

• Public support for marriage equality has increased about 1% annually over the last two decades.
• Statisticians predict a majority of Americans will support marriage equality by 2012.

Marriage Laws

Places Where Gay Couples Can Legally Get Married:

• Massachusetts (2004)
• Connecticut (2008)
• Iowa (2009)
• Vermont (2009)
• New Hampshire (2010)
• Washington, D.C. (Coming in March 2010)

Places Where Gay Couples Married In Other Places Are Recognized:

• New York
• California (but only if you got married before Proposition 8 passed)

Demographics

The most recent census did not count marriages gay couples directly, so the following are estimates based on how people reported their household. It counts households with 2 members of the same sex that are unrelated.

• Total Number of Gay Couples: 594,391
• Number of People in a Couple: 1.2 Million
• State With the Most Couples: California (92,138)
• State With the Least Couples: North Dakota (703)
• Highest Concentration of Gay Couple (% of all couples): Washington, D.C. (1.29%)
• Lowest Concentration of Gay Couples (% of all couples): North and South Dakota (.22%)

Gay people make up 1-4% of the population in most cities, but are more concentrated [PDF] in metropolitan areas.

Highest Number of Same-Sex Couples:

1. New York, NY: 47,000
2. Los Angeles, CA: 12,000
3. Chicago, IL: 10,000

Highest Concentration of Gay People:

1. San Francisco, CA: 15.4%
2. Seattle, WA: 12.9%
3. Atlanta, GA: 12.8%

Lowest Concentration of Gay People:

1. Detroit, MI: 1.5%
2. Richmond, VA: 3.4%
3. Cleveland, OH and Memphis, TN: 3.5%

Resources

State by State Map of Gay Marriage Laws. The Wall Street Journal compiled information from the Human Rights Campaign, the National Conference of State Legislatures, and other sources, to compile a user-friendly interactive map.

Text of State Constitutional Amendments Targeting Same-Sex Marriage. If you're one of those people who wants to read the laws themselves to see how exactly gay marriage is outlawed, check out this collection put together by Lambda Legal.

Year 2000 Census Information on Same Sex Households. Expect these numbers to increase in 2010 more than other types of families. The 2010 census will be the first to let gay couples report as married.

3)
Immigration Equality premiered a new video on Valentine's Day at the Huffington Post.

This video highlights the plight of binational same-sex couples who cannot get married. In a straight couple, the US partner can sponsor the other for residency. LGBT couples do not have that option, which means the non-US partner can be targeted for discrimination and kicked out of the country.

There are 36,000 lesbian and gay binational families in the United States, and half of those are also raising young children.

According to Rachel B. Tiven, Immigration Equality's executive director, "For every day that passes without action from Congress, another family faces separation and another child is put in jeopardy of losing a parent."

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, i.e., LGBT love, has come a long way, but there's still some distance to travel. Eventually it'll be The Love Where LGBT Couples Get The Same Rights As Straight Couples, then the Love Whose Children's Get The Same Legal Protections.

Finally, ultimately, it'll all just be Love. And that's what Valentine's Day - and Freedom To Marry Week - is all about.

The Saint Comes Marching In ... For Marriage Equality

Happy Freedom to Marry Week!

I'm pleased to say that the Saints are winners.

No, I don't mean because they won the Super Bowl, which they did, beating the Colts 31 to 17. (At least that's what I read in the news - no sports-gay am I!)

I don't even mean the entire team of the New Orleans Saints. I'm talking about one specific person.

Scott Fujita, linebacker for the Saints, is a total winner.

Last year, he participated in the National Equality March in Washington and became a vocal supporter for marriage equality. This is significant for two reasons.

First, he's a straight ally - the married father of two twin girls - who wasn't really involved in the gay rights movement before this.

Second, and more remarkably, he's a professional football player, and pro sports are notable for being a bastion of entrenched homophobia. It's extremely rare for a gay sports figure to come out, and it's also unusual for the topic of sexual orientation to even be discussed, much less for someone to be vocal about their support for LGBT equality. The NFL is not renown for its progressiveness and diversity.

Scott Fujita talked about why he endorsed the National Equality March and why he supports LGBT equality in an interview with Dave Zirin in the Huffington Post last October.

"By and large in this country the issue of gay rights and equality should be past the point of debate. Really, there should be no debate anymore.

"For me, in my small platform as a professional football player, my time in the spotlight is probably limited. The more times you have to lend your name to a cause you believe in, you should do that.

"I remember reading about an initiative that was proposed in the state of Arkansas. It was some kind of measure aimed at preventing adoptions by single parents.

"Now, the way I translated that language was that only heterosexual, married couples could adopt children. As an adopted child, that really bothered me.

"What that is really saying is that the concern with one's sexual orientation outweighs what's really important, and that's finding safe homes for children, for our children.

"It's also saying that we'd rather have kids bounce around from foster home to foster home throughout the course of their childhood, than end up in a permanent home, where the parent, whether that person's single or not, gay or straight.

"Either way, it doesn't matter. It's a home that's going to be provided for a kid who desperately needs a home. As an adopted child, that measure really bothered me. It just boggles my mind because good, loving homes for any child are the most important thing."

So say we all! I'm still not a football follower, but I'm definitely now a fan of the Scott Fujita. No matter how you look at it, this guy's a Saint.

Here Come the Brides! Freedom to Marry Week 2010

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and we're also coming up on the annual celebration of Freedom to Marry Week 2010.

This will be the lucky 13th annual celebration, and it will run from Feb 8-14.

Obviously LGBT folks do not currently have the freedom to marry their loved ones in North Carolina (and most of the US). This week marks an opportunity to share our stories, reflect on the values of equality and love, and engage our neighbors in the movement for freedom, family, and fairness.

Marriage equality is important, not just because marriage is a symbol but also for the more than 1,000 rights that civil marriage carries.

(Note the reference to "marriage equality." If you refer to "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage," you're making it sounds like LGBT folks want something other than marriage, and you're implying that marriage somehow implicitly denies gay folks. You can read an essay on this specific topic here. Language matters.)

For more about Freedom to Marry week, check out the information at Freedom to Marry.

If you do nothing else, look at their FAQ, appropriately titled "Short Answers to Big Questions."

The single most important action everyone can take towards achieving marriage equality nationwide is having conversations with friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone who will listen about why the freedom to marry matters to you.

Conversation Starters

10 Ways to Start Conversations About The Freedom To Marry

Toolkits

Talking about Marriage and Relationship Recognition for Gay Couples

Talking About Marriage in African-American Communities

Talking About Marriage in Latino/a Communities

Talking About Marriage in Asian/Pacific Islander Communities

Handouts

From Oregon: Mailers with Personal Stories and Info about Why Marriage Matters

From California: Sample Ads for People of Color

The Freedom to Marry as a Matter of Economic Justice

The Freedom to Marry: Why Non-Gay People Care and What We Can Do About It

And of course, we encourage you to sign up on Equality NC's marriage registry - to celebrate your civil marriage, commitment ceremony, anniversary, or partnership celebration - to show your support for LGBT equality.

Working together, we'll soon all be able to walk down the aisle with the one we love!

Three Cool Bits About Marriage Equality

1)
With all of our struggles towards marriage equality, have you ever wondered how the world would look if you mapped out marriage equality, separate but equal laws, no recognition of gay relationships, and criminalization of LGBT folks?

If so, then wonder no more! Behold, from Wikipedia, the marriage equality map.

Though it lacks the obvious credibility of a moderated, authoritative source, this Wikipedia entry presents a ton of data and citations so you judge its validity and accuracy for yourself.

(From a quick overview of the things I know are true, this map is spot-on.)

It presents an interesting picture and gives a broader perspective. Sadly, the most interesting parts are Africa and the Middle East, where several countries have homoicidally antigay tendencies, and Asia, which is mostly blank.

In fairness, let's also give a shout-out to our northern neighbors, who often seem to be a benign (albeit cold!) alternative version of America. Oh, Canada!

2)
You may have already heard that Massachusetts, the first state with marriage equality, has, by far, the lowest divorce rates.

You may also have heard that the divorce rate has fallen every year since marriage equality occured. Now, post facto doesn't mean ipso facto. However, we now have more evidence of a correlation. Take a look:

Divorce Rates Higher in States with Gay Marriage Bans

Here's an excerpt of the first paragraph:

"Over the past decade or so, divorce has gradually become more uncommon in the United States. Since 2003, however, the decline in divorce rates has been largely confined to states which have not passed a state constitutional ban on gay marriage. These states saw their divorce rates decrease by an average of 8 percent between 2003 and 2008. States which had passed a same-sex marriage ban as of January 1, 2008, however, saw their divorce rates rise by about 1 percent over the same period."


3)
Lastly, take a look at:
The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage: Why same-sex marriage is an American value. by Ted Olson from Newsweek. Ted Olson is a conservative Name, being a lifelong Republican and part of the Reagan and Bush I administrations.

"I Do"s Coming to DC, LGBT Protections in East Point, GA

At the end of 2009, there's been more good news from the South.

Washington DC’s City Council has voted for marriage equality in the nation’s capital. Mayor Adrian Fenty has signed the bill, which was co-sponsored by 10 of the city council’s 13 members.

The law has to be reviewed by Congress, which has the final say on DC's laws. Lawmakers appear unlikely to intervene though, so gay couples could be legally marrying in Washington by March.

Meanwhile, the town of East Point, GA, has made smaller headlines by joining a handful of other cities in that state to adopt protections for its gay and transgender employees. The local law, which passed unanimously, prohibits employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

The city has had domestic partner benefits since 2005, and the city charter also includes a Bill of Rights section that says the city will not adopt any laws that intentionally discriminate against gays and lesbians.

Atlanta, Decatur and Doraville are other Georgia cities that protect LGBT employees. The cities of Chamblee and Clarkston prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation but not gender identity.

These are the incremental local changes that pave the path towards equality and fairness. This is why local activism and simple visibility is so important, whether its in your town, your workplace, or your neighborhood.

People often dismiss the South as being intolerant and backwards, but the reality is that it's like anywhere else, with pockets of prejudice but also pockets of progress. We just need to help make sure the right pockets grow bigger.

ENDA Resources, and a New Gay Blog at the New York Times

We all have many things to be thankful for during this holiday. Given the current economy, it's important to be grateful for gainful employment for ourselves and our families.

Unfortunately, being LGBT can often be a barrier for employment. That's why employment nondiscrimination is Equality NC's next big initiative (coming off of the success of our school antibullying work). This issue is also moving along at the national level with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA).

Equality NC will be asking for your help to do some federal-level phonebanking for this issue, and you can find information online to help make the case. Some good links include:

• United ENDA United ENDA is a coalition of state, local and national LGBT organizations and allies committed to the passage of comprehensive federal legislation that protects individuals from employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. United ENDA is a coalition effort of nearly 400 organizations, including Equality NC, where the power of the coalition comes from all of the work done by all of the organizations in the coalition.

• National Transgender Discrimination Survey (PDF), produced by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. (Preliminary findings from Sept. 2009.)
  
  
• ENDA Toolkit (PDF), produced by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
  
  
• Take Action for ENDA (PDF), produced by the National Center for Transgender Equality
  
  
• PFLAG's talking points and information on ENDA

• HRC's Pass ENDA Now page
  

Education is basically the essence of all of our nondiscrimination work. Americans believe in justice, fairness, and equal treatment, so we make the most progress when we can show people the inequities that LGBT citizens face.

Along those lines, the New York Times has launched a new blog feature, What If You’re Gay? that examines the issues that face gay couples, especially those that come from being denied marriage equality.

Check out this new feature: For Gay Couples, ‘Traditional’ Divorce Isn’t Always an Option and Seven Tips for Dissolving Gay Unions.

We'll Be Back, and We'll Win

Waking up this morning to the news that Maine voters narrowly approved a measure overturning the marriage equality law passed by the legislature was a kick in the gut. The memory of California's Prop. 8 last year is still fresh.

My thoughts go out to all the families in Maine who will continue to be denied dignity and equality under the law. Many of us will need time to grieve over the fact that a majority of our fellow citizens would vote to deny lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people their full civil rights.

And yet, I'm also encouraged by what happened in Maine. Just under half of voters — tens of thousands of people — voted for marriage equality. While it wasn't enough, let's not forget that just fifteen years ago, few Americans had even heard of the concept of marriage equality for same-sex couples.

We've come a long way fast. And, despite the heartbreaking setback of yesterday's vote, the momentum is still very much on our side.

I also find hope in the phenomenal campaign that the No On 1 team ran. They talked one on one with tens of thousands of voters. They put the faces and stories of same-sex couples and families at the forefront. They engaged leaders from local elected officials to the Governor in the fight for marriage equality.

We even had a number of Equality North Carolina supporters who went up to Maine to help out, and many more who made calls to Maine voters from their homes.

Of course, after some time to grieve, we should look at what worked well and what could be done better next time. But I suspect that in the final analysis we'll see that the work No On 1 did won over thousands and thousands of voters to our side.

The state just wasn't quite there yet. But it will be.

A little history: Maine voters went to the polls four times to vote on nondiscrimination based on sexual orientation. The first three times they rejected it. But Equality Maine didn't give up, and the state legislators who believed in fairness didn't give up. Now it's the law of the land.

We've got to keep fighting in Maine and in every state.

Yesterday, voters in Washington state approved comprehensive domestic partnerships, and in Kalamazoo, Michigan, voters rejected vicious attacks on the transgender community to support the city's nondiscrimination ordinance.

New York and New Jersey have a real chance of passing marriage equality legislation this year. The Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which would protect many workers from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, could become law in the next few months.

All of that's going to take a lot of hard work.

Rest assured, if we do that work, we'll win marriage back in Maine, California, and, eventually we'll win our full civil rights in states like North Carolina and the whole nation. We know how to do it.

I'm in it to win it. Are you?

Voting for Gay Families Around the Country!

Next week's elections will have quite a reach for LGBT families in other parts of the country, which will ultimately affect ours. From Maine to Washington to Kalamzoo, here's what's happening:

• MAINE - REJECT QUESTION 1

In Maine, voters are going to the polls to weigh in on Question 1, a citizen's veto of the state's marriage equality law. Signed by Governor Baldacci on May 6 of this year, the law was scheduled to take effect in September, but was delayed when opponents collected enough valid signatures to place it before voters. If you know folks in or near Maine, please be sure to get them to vote early, take the pledge to protect equality, and volunteer time/resources to help get the community (the whole community, not just the gay community!) to vote in support of marriage equality for all.

• KALAMAZOO, MICH. - APPROVE ORDINANCE 1856

Voters in Kalamazoo, Mich., are being asked to approve an amendment to the City Code of Ordinances to prohibit discrimination in housing, public accommodations, and employment based on a variety of enumerated categories including an individual's sexual orientation or gender identity. Because all people - including lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people - deserve to be treated fairly and equally wherever they may live or work, if you know someone who lives or works in/around Kalamazoo, have them support this.

• WASHINGTON - APPROVE REF. 71

Voters in Washington State face Referendum 71, which is a vote to keep the domestic partnership law that provides legal protections for same-sex couples and seniors who are in committed relationships. If you have friends or family in or near Washington State, please tell them to vote early. You can spread the word, pledge your support online, and join a broad coalition to support equality for all Washingtonians.

A decade or so ago, this sort of legislative activity would have been unimaginable. The time are changing, though, and we can make sure the changes are positive, towards equality and fairness.

The road to equality in North Carolina goes through Maine, Washington, and yes, even Kalamazoo.

A Sign of the Times ...

If you live in Greensboro, you might've seen this billboard, created by Triad Equality Alliance (TEA).

Actually, you may have seen or heard something about it if you just live in the area, or the state, or, well, the whole world! Their most recent initiative has really gotten some attention:

• The Towle Road blog
• NC's statewide News Channel 14
• Fox 8
• WFMY News 2
• Greensboro News and Record

TEA has been around for years. TEA's mission is to eliminate prejudice and to secure social justice and civil rights for LGBT people by educating and enlightening the general public about LGBT members of the community and the special issues affecting them. Equality NC Foundation has served as their fiscal agent.

You can see some of their previous billboards here:

• Good People Campaign
• All Equal
• Gay Equality
• abOUT Face

Their work has been a perfect example of putting a face on a civil rights issue. When you're just denying rights to 'The Gays,' then it's easy. When you have a human face whose civil rights and American promise of equality are being taken away, that's much, much harder.

Anything that humanizes the LGBT community works in favor of equality. Here's what one teenager said about TEA's first billboard campaign:

"I turned around and went by it 3 times...."

"I'm a 17 year old and I go to Burke High. I always kind of knew that I was attracted to girls and last year fell in love with Kathy and am sure now that I'm a lesbian. Since then, I haven't said anything to anyone but my mom who was pretty cool about it but wanted me to talk with a counselor who has been great. Anyway, besides Kathy, my mom and my counselor, all I hear around here about gays and lesbians is really awful. It has had me real, real depressed.

"Tuesday night I was driving to town from the mall and drove by y'alls billboard. Wow! I almost ran off the road. It was awesome. Just awesome. And it's BIG!!

"It was the first positive thing I've heard since I admitted to myself that I'm gay and it just knocked me out.

"I was driving down 26 crying and everything - I turned around and went by it 3 times, then found out how to get back there in the Sears lot to just stare at it for awhile. Anyway, I wanted to thank ya'll for doing it. You can't really ever know what it meant to me but I wanted to try to tell you."

-- Angela

Most of the time you don't hear about how your actions have affected others. The feedback TEA has received has been extremely positive, and that's only what's known. There's no way to tell how many countless lives have been affected by this simple affirmation of common humanity.

It's truly a positive sign of the times.

Families Live in the World We Have ....

Last month, North Carolina got some great news on gay second-parent adoption. Up until then, though, second-parent adoptions by gay folks in the state had been in a kind of legal limbo, neither valid nor invalid. Now, they've been validated as long as they're judged in the best interest of the child (though of course anti-equality opposition groups are even now working to undo this decision and its amazing benefits for kids).

This is a great example of the problem with inequality and selectively applied/excluded laws that affect LGBT folks.

Currently, we have a patchwork of laws that affect gay couples and their families across the country. We've got marriage in a few states, civil unions in some places, domestic partnerships in others, and nothing in most. If a gay couple gets married in a state with marriage equality, they may end up in a legal limbo in another state that doesn't recognize marriage equality, much less grant divorces to a gay couple.

Some states support gay parents having second-parent adoption of children, while others remove a kid from a parent's custody if the parent is gay.

Until we have true equality, though, we gay families just have to deal with it. There's a great resource out there that can help: Enter Gideon Alper and his Gay Couples Law Blog.

Though located in Atlanta, he blogs about laws and legal situations across the country. (For example, here's what he says about the recent North Carolina decision.)

"I started this blog because legal information available to same sex couples is limited and hard to find. While there's lots of general information out there on family law and estate planning, gay couples have unique legal needs. That's why I focus specifically on them, instead of just writing about them as part of a more general legal blog."

Topics range from adoption and child custody to marriage and divorce, wills and estate planning to tax law.

Until we have one set of laws that apply to everyone the same, this blog is a great starting point for deciphering and parsing the legal crazy-quilt that's out there.