Protecting Marriage From ... Southern Conservative Christians!

In light of the proposed antigay marriage amendment, here's some interesting news on a true threat to this institution.

From The Daily Texan: According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average divorce rate in the United States is 47.9 percent. A recent study conducted by University of Iowa sociology professor Jennifer Glass found that conservative Christians, especially those in the South, are among the groups most likely to divorce.

Presenting her findings at the University of Texas at Austin Glass said, “Politically and religiously conservative states, especially in the Deep South, exhibit higher divorce rates than politically and religiously liberal states in the Northeast and Midwest.”

Glass identified a number of factors contributing to this statistical reality. She suggested that the prohibition of sex before marriage among Christians leads to marriage at an earlier age, and compared that to lower divorce rates among residents in more liberal and less religious areas who are more likely to live together for extended periods of time.

Glass also noted that teachings against abortion and birth control lead to “shotgun weddings,” which accelerate young conservative Protestants into adulthood and early marriages. She compared those teen marriages to the average age of marriage for American women, which is 27.



The study also noted that young married conservatives in southern states have higher divorce rates because of financial concerns and problems relating to lower degrees of education and increased unemployment.

Despite these findings, Equality NC remains committed to the ideal that all citizens in North Carolina deserve access to the same rights (even conservative Christians, though are focus is on the marginalized and commonly discriminated against LGBT community). To help us work to stop the current attempt to make LGBT North Carolinians into second-class citizens, click here.

Face[book]ing LGBT Relationships

Facebook has added "civil union" and "domestic partnership" to its "relationship status" options in user profiles, following an anti-bullying initiative called 'Network of Support' in consultation with LGBT groups that began last October.

GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios said, "Today, Facebook sent a clear message in support of gay and lesbian couples to users across the globe. By acknowledging the relationships of countless loving and committed same-sex couples in the U.S. and abroad, Facebook has set a new standard of inclusion for social media. As public support for marriage equality continues to grow, we will continue to work for the day when all couples have the opportunity to marry and have their relationship recognized by their community, both online and off."

Valentiny Activism

GetEQUAL and Marriage Equality USA are staging protests across the country to show the inequality in our nation's marriage laws.

"Over the weekend and this afternoon, LGBT activists across the country took action at marriage counters and city halls across the country, drawing attention to the fact that loving couples – some of whom have been together for decades – are still living as second-class citizens without the right to marry."

One of those protests is occurring right here in Asheville, NC.

“Today, we're so proud of all the people taking actions across the country,” said Robin McGehee, director of GetEQUAL. “We're thrilled with how many people across the country have decided that enough is enough, and have committed to organizing in their own communities in order to draw attention to their desire to marry the person they love.”

Molly McKay, media director of Marriage Equality USA, said, “The actions that have taken place across the country are just one more way that we are bringing discrimination out of the shadows and into the light, highlighting the loving relationships that are thriving throughout the country despite government-sanctioned discrimination.”

GetEQUAL will be posting photos and video on its Facebook page throughout the day.

By The Numbers: LGBT Stats in Early 2011

Crossposted information from Gideon Alper's incredible blog on gay legal issues.

Gay Marriage Facts

States where gay marriage is legal:

• Massachusetts (2004)
• Connecticut (2008)
• Iowa (2009)
• Vermont (2009)
• New Hampshire (2010)
• Washington, D.C. (2010) (not a state)

States That Recognize Out-of-State Gay Marriages:

• New York
• California (only if the marriage is from before Proposition 8 was passed)

Gay Marriage Support

Should gays an lesbians be allowed to marry?

• 43% say yes.
• 47% say no.
• 10% are unsure.

Source: Pew Research Center.

Gays in the Military:

Should those who do not disclose their orientation be allowed to serve?

• 83% support it.
• 14% do not.
• 3% unsure

Should those who do disclose their orientation be allowed to serve?

• 17% say yes.
• 21% say no.
• 2% are unsure.

Source: The Polling Report.

Demographics

The 2000 census did not count gay marriages directly, so the following are estimates based on how people reported their household. It counts households with 2 members of the same sex that are unrelated. 2010 census information on gay couples has not yet been compiled.

• Total Number of Gay Couples: 594,391
• Number of People in a Couple: 1.2 Million
• State With the Most Couples: California (92,138)
• State With the Least Couples: North Dakota (703)
• Highest Concentration of Gay Couple (% of all couples): Washington, D.C. (1.29%)
• Lowest Concentration of Gay Couples (% of all couples): North and South Dakota (.22%)

Gay people make up 1-4% of the population in most cities, but are more concentrated in metropolitan areas.

Most Same Sex Couples by City:

1. New York, NY: 47,000
2. Los Angeles, CA: 12,000
3. Chicago, IL: 10,000

Source: 2000 Census.

Highest LGBT Concentration by Major Metropolitan City

1. San Francisco, CA: 15.4%
2. Seattle, WA: 12.9%
3. Atlanta, GA: 12.8%

Source: 2000 Census.

Hard Science, Gay Parents, Good Kids

Family values are often brought up in the discussion of marriage equality, usually in the context of questioning how gay folks do as parents.

Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Standford, recently added some new scientific data to the growing collection of LGBT-family-affirming studies. Most notably, his facts and figures come the country’s largest source of data, the U.S. Census. In a study published this month in the journal Demography, Rosenfeld concludes that children being raised by same-sex couples have the same educational achievement as children raised by married heterosexual couples.

“The census data show that having parents who are the same gender is not in itself any disadvantage to children,” he said. “Parents’ income and education are the biggest indicators of a child’s success. Family structure is a minor determinant.”

In fact, Rosenfeld’s study shows that children of gay and married couples had lower grade-repetition rates than their peers raised by opposite-sex unmarried couples and single parents. And all children living in some type of family environment did much better than those living in group housing.

“One of the fundamental issues in modern family law that differs from state to state is whether same-sex couples can adopt,” Rosenfeld said. “My research makes clear that there’s a huge advantage to kids to be out of the care of the state and into the care of any family.”

Because gays and lesbians make up a smaller proportion of the American population (and those with children are a just tiny sliver), it has been difficult for researchers to conduct a representative study of how their children perform in the classroom. Opponents of marriage equality often criticize earlier studies for having sample sizes that are too small.

“Sample size is power,” Rosenfeld said. “And the census is the biggest sample we have. This study is based on a sample of thousands and thousands of kids.”

Despite the fact that the cost of becoming parents may be higher for gays and lesbians than for heterosexual couples, gay couples who did have children had substantially lower income and educational attainment than gay and lesbian
couples in general. Nevertheless, their kids did well.

Children of gay parents also tended to be racial minorities. Only 22.9% of children of heterosexual married couples are black or Hispanic, whereas 41.6% of children of gay men are black or Hispanic, and 37.1% of children of lesbians are black or Hispanic.

“Social scientists have an obligation to shed light where they can on issues that are roiling the public,” he said. “Sometimes we have to throw up our hands and admit that something is unknowable. But in this case, we could bring some real hard data to bear on an area that was otherwise really in the dark.”

"The analysis in this article, the first to use large-sample, nationally-representative data, shows that children raised by same-sex couples have no fundamental deficits in making normal progress through school. The core finding here offers a measure of validation for the prior, and much-debated, small-sample studies."

(I remember the first time I heard one of my kid's friends lament the unfairness of not having two dads. Who knew how truly disadvantaged he was? Still, it behooves us all not to hold any child's parentage against him! 8-])

Cyndi Lauper Cares, and Asks You To, Too!

Cyndi Lauper has been a staunch straight ally to the LGBT community for years and years, and she's shown great willingness to put her money where her mouth is. (And you know what her mouth's like - it goes all over the place, so that's a lot of money!)

Back in April, she launched a new campaign and website to bring attention to issues of discrimination against the LGBT community. She did it with a slight twist, though - her "Give A Damn" campaign actively works to get straight allies to come on board and work against homophobia. She's already gotten several big names celebrities (gay and straight) to participate, including:

• Whoopi Goldberg
• Jason Mraz
• Elton John
• Judith Light
• Cynthia Nixon
• Kim Kardashian
• Clay Aiken
• Sharon Osbourne
• Kelly Osbourne
• Anna Paquin

• 
  

"The Give a Damn Campaign is for everybody who cares about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality.

But, it’s especially for all you straight people out there! Whether you’re already an active supporter, want to show your support for the first time, or hadn’t given equality a lot of thought before and now want to learn more, we are here to help you get informed about the issues and get involved, at a pace that works for you.

You’ll find a lot of useful information throughout this site—information that’ll engage you, surprise you and move you. You will also find a bunch of ways to get involved and show your support and encourage your straight peers to show theirs as well.

For all you gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks—we need and want you here, too! Because this site is also for you. Not only will you learn new things that might surprise and interest you, you’ll also find a lot of useful tools and resources that will help you encourage the straight people in your life to give a damn.

Like we said, the Give a Damn Campaign is for everyone. Because the only way we can truly achieve equality for all is if we all get informed and get involved. So join us today and let us know you give a damn!"

Another interesting aspect of her campaign is the issues that it covers. It includes some of the less common topic areas, like aging, faith, and immigration. Issues include:

• Workplace Discrimination
• Hate Crimes
• Military
• Marriage
• Youth | School
• Youth | Suicide
• Youth | Homelessness
• Older Adults
• Faith
• Parenting
• Health Care
• Immigration

Check it out. There are cool videos and personal stories and bloggy bits. And share it with your friends and family, especially your straight ones. Equality and fairness benefit everyone, not just the people that are actively discriminated against.

Until everyone is equal, no one is.

(And Cyndi Lauper's 2008 album, "Bring Ya To The Brink," is simply amazing. If you haven't checked it out yet, do! It's dance-y and fabulous! And supporting artists that support us also supports the community and efforts for equality.)

Bar None - American Bar Association Supports Marriage Equality

Lawyers and legal associations are often considered to be staid, conservative groups, slow to change, quick to maintain the status quo.

Last week, The American Bar Association made this resolution at its annual meeting:

"RESOLVED, That the American Bar Association urges state, territorial, and tribal governments to eliminate all of their legal barriers to civil marriage between two persons of the same sex who are otherwise eligible to marry."

The ABA is the nation’s leading legal organization that recommends judges and sets national standards for attorneys. This resolution was adopted as an affirmation that every American is vested with certain inalienable rights and that all Americans are created equal. The ABA’s action shows that there is a broad consensus among legal scholars and practitioners that that excluding LGBT folks marriage violates their constitutional right to due process and equal protection.

This is a huge step forward and certainly indicative of changing societal attitudes.

Even here in North Carolina our local bar association is looking at making some progress, though nothing quite as dramatic. The NC Bar Association is currently considering an update to the preamble to its Rules of Professional Conduct that would urge lawyers not to discriminate in their practices "on the basis of race, gender, national origin, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity." (Those last two are the significant ones.)

It's not exactly marriage equality and equal application of laws to all people, but it's still a start.

NOM News Roundup

Kudos again to the great grassroots folks who organized yesterday's counter-protest of the so-called National Organization for Marriage's rally yesterday. Equality NC and other participants worked hard to get our message of fairness out to the media with some great results. Here's a quick roundup.

• Time Warner's News 14 covered the rally and included an interview with me in the story.
• WRAL, the local CBS affiliate, has a story including Senate President Pro-Tempore Marc Basnight explaining why the constitution shouldn't be used to make law.
• Josh Ellis covered the story for the NC News Network, and included a blurb on their site and some good video on YouTube.
• It was great chatting with friend of ENC Pam Spaulding, who has great analysis and video up at the Blend. She also did a quick post earlier in the day.
• The Raleigh News & Observer was also on the scene with this report.
• North Carolina Public Radio had coverage after the rally, and reporter Laura Leslie has more audio from NOM's speakers on her blog.
• I talked with the Associated Press's Gary Robertson about the potential impact of the elections this fall on the marriage discrimination amendment. Video from NBC 17 is include on the same page.
• WTVD, the ABC affiliate, ran this story.
• And, of course, the Courage Campaign's brilliant NOM Tour Tracker was on hand to document the event. There's more in this post as well.

That's what we've found. Any more stories we missed? Post 'em in the comments.

ACT NOW: Call on NBC to Open Today Show Wedding Contest! Marriage Equality and Family Fairness

UPDATE, 7/9/10 - Today Show reverses course, opens contest to LGBT couples. SUCCESS! Thanks to everyone who acted!


(Thanks to ENC Communication Intern Matthew McGibney.)

The “Modern Day Wedding Contest” on NBC’s Today Show wants to throw the perfect wedding for a pair of contestants … as long as the couple is straight. Not very modern! (Especially when you consider that the Today Show welcomed gay couples in their past “Hometown Wedding Contest.”)

The Today Show is accepting applications for its contest until this Friday, July 9. The winning couple’s wedding will be broadcast live in October, and their honeymoon will be paid for by the show. That sounds like a ton of fun, but it’s only for people who can enter “bride” and “groom” separately on the website.

Good As You noticed this quirk and brought it to the attention of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD). When GLAAD contacted the show for an explanation, they got this response:

“For the TODAY show wedding, the couple must be able to be legally married in New York, which is where the wedding will take place."

As you might have realized, New York hasn't established marriage equality. But as GLAAD points out, the show is looking to award a wedding ceremony, not a marriage certificate. New York State recognizes marriage certificates from other states, including those with equal marriage laws.

Here is the problem in The Today Show's reasoning in GLAAD’s own words:

“NBC is mistakenly equating the marriage license with the wedding celebration. Same-sex weddings are entirely legal in New York State. As long as the marriage license is conferred upon the same-sex couple by another state, New York State recognizes the marriage as a fully valid and legal one. NBC’s exclusion of same-sex couples from its contest is not motivated by the law, but bias against these couples.”

GLAAD started an action campaign against the show’s actions. You can find more information on the campaign here: http://www.glaad.org/2010/calltoaction/todayshow

Back here in North Carolina, Equality NC is gearing up to counter the myths spun by the Summer Marriage Inequality Tour (as we’ve taken to calling it) by the National Organization for Marriage, whom you might remember for their role in the passage of Prop 8 in California. The tour, which pushes for heterosexual-only marriage, will pass through Raleigh in August.

We’ll be starting a blog this summer with stories from LGBT and allied couples about their marriages, relationships, and families. Bigotry is based on ignorance, and by sharing the stories of our families, both biological and of-choice, we can show the reality of diversity and starkly show the unfairness of discrimination and how it affects us, our loved ones, and our children.

If you have a story about your family or relationship, we very much encourage you to share it with us. There are two ways you can do this:

1. You can write your story and e-mail it to matthew@equalitync.org. Include a photo of your family, too!

2. You can record a video (with your webcam or video camera), upload it to YouTube, and then e-mail us the link. Or if you prefer, you can skip the uploading and e-mail us the video file and we'll upload it for you.

Stay tuned for more ....

Happy First Anniversay, Iowa!

You might not remember, but this time last year was the start of marriage equality in Iowa.

The Iowa Supreme Court, in Varnum v. Brien, ruled unanimously for equality for same-sex couples and their families. This made Iowa the third state where LGBT
couples had the freedom to marry.

It was also significant in that it was the first state in the heartland of America to get marriage equality. This began a series of successes that brought the freedom to marry to same-sex couples in Vermont, New Hampshire, and Washington, D.C.

Marriage equality hasn't been a sure and steady path - the loss of fairness and freedom to marry in Maine was a huge setback - but we have made amazing progress. Only a year ago, there were just two places in our country where same-sex couples could marry. Now there are six!

We honor and join the joyous couples in Iowa who are celebrating their first anniversary.

Lambda Legal captured some of the voices and images from the weddings of their clients in the Varnum case. You can take a look here to see what an impact equality makes.

(If the embedded video, below, doesn't work, click here to watch a YouTube video.)



It's easy to get caught up in the struggles and travails for freedom and fairness for LGBT Americans, and the losses always hurt so much, but it's critical to celebrate the victories that give us a model to aim for.

Happy Anniversary to all couples from corn country!

1,138

One-thousand one-hundred thirty-eight: That's the number of federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality, according to the General Accounting Office (GAO).

Here are two new resources that want to address the issue of marriage inequality:

Project 1138

Equality Forum, a national and international gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) civil rights organization, has launched the Project 1138 Web site, along with Facebook and Twitter pages.

"What Is Project 1138? Project 1138 increases awareness of the 1,138 federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality.

How Did It Originate? In January 1997, Senator Bill Frist, the Republican Majority Leader, asked the General Accounting Office (GAO) to identify how many federal benefits were contingent on being married. The GAO reported that the number of federal benefits was 1,138.

Share Your Story. For more than a thousand reasons, YOUR relationship deserves equal treatment under the law. Take a stand against marriage inequality and share your story. Participate in Equality Forum's Project 1138 blog! Separate is not Equal. Separate is not Equality. "

DOMA Stories: Federal Marriage Discrimination Hurts Families

Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, New England's leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression, has created this resource.

"The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day. Here we share some of those stories. In 1996, Congress passed and President Clinton signed the "Defense of Marriage Act."

DOMA ensured that when states ended their own bans on same-sex couples marrying, the federal government would disregard their marital status for purposes of all 1,138 federal laws in which martial status is a factor. Never before in our nation's history has the federal government disrespected a class of marriages for all federal purposes; the federal government has long relied on states to define marriage.

In 2010, same-sex couples can legally marry in five states and the District of Columbia, and this number will continue to grow. Yet married same-sex couples are denied all of the protections the federal government otherwise makes available to married people. The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day — from higher tax burdens, to an inability to provide for a spouse's health care, to denial of family medical leave and the safety net of social security and survivor benefits the federal government offers all other married partners.

In these stories, loving couples, widows and widowers, from all walks of life, describe how DOMA hurts their families. A new story will be added each week, so please check back often."

Marriage equality is, in many ways, the ultimate expression of equality in our society. Working together, we can get this brass -- or rather, gold -- ring.

Post-Valentine's: Whoopi for Marriage Equality, Just The Facts, Binational Couples

This year, Freedom to Marry Week wrapped up on Valentine's weekend.

Ironically, this weekend thousands of couples chose to tie the knot by entering into civil marriage, but of course, here in North Carolina, none of them were gay.

Many gay couples did indeed celebrate their love, but they weren't able to take part in any of the more than 1,000 rights given by civil marriage.

Still, the marriage equality movement is advancing. A couple of decades ago, it was unthinkable that gay couples would get married, and now we have five states (with D.C. pending) that treat LGBT couples like all other citizens.

Here are three things to note with regard to couple equality:

1)
The conversation around marriage equality is first and foremost about real families, real couples, and real children, who need and deserve the security, clarity, and respect that comes with marriage.

In honor of black history month, the Freedom To Marry Coalition has produced a high-profile list of 10 African-Americans Who Support the Freedom to Marry. You'll recognize the names, and you'll be impressed.

2)

Marriage Equality: Facts and Resources

(Crossposted from Gideon Alper's fantastic Gay Couples Law Blog on 1/18/10.)

Statistics and facts for same-sex marriage can be hard to find. Marriage equality is in the news a lot, but a lot of people just want unbiased information before deciding how they feel about it.

Here's what you need to know:

Support

Latest statistics:

• 41% support marriage equality for gay couples
  
• 49% oppose it
• 10% say it depends/are unsure

Historical trend of increasing support:

• Public support for marriage equality has increased about 1% annually over the last two decades.
• Statisticians predict a majority of Americans will support marriage equality by 2012.

Marriage Laws

Places Where Gay Couples Can Legally Get Married:

• Massachusetts (2004)
• Connecticut (2008)
• Iowa (2009)
• Vermont (2009)
• New Hampshire (2010)
• Washington, D.C. (Coming in March 2010)

Places Where Gay Couples Married In Other Places Are Recognized:

• New York
• California (but only if you got married before Proposition 8 passed)

Demographics

The most recent census did not count marriages gay couples directly, so the following are estimates based on how people reported their household. It counts households with 2 members of the same sex that are unrelated.

• Total Number of Gay Couples: 594,391
• Number of People in a Couple: 1.2 Million
• State With the Most Couples: California (92,138)
• State With the Least Couples: North Dakota (703)
• Highest Concentration of Gay Couple (% of all couples): Washington, D.C. (1.29%)
• Lowest Concentration of Gay Couples (% of all couples): North and South Dakota (.22%)

Gay people make up 1-4% of the population in most cities, but are more concentrated [PDF] in metropolitan areas.

Highest Number of Same-Sex Couples:

1. New York, NY: 47,000
2. Los Angeles, CA: 12,000
3. Chicago, IL: 10,000

Highest Concentration of Gay People:

1. San Francisco, CA: 15.4%
2. Seattle, WA: 12.9%
3. Atlanta, GA: 12.8%

Lowest Concentration of Gay People:

1. Detroit, MI: 1.5%
2. Richmond, VA: 3.4%
3. Cleveland, OH and Memphis, TN: 3.5%

Resources

State by State Map of Gay Marriage Laws. The Wall Street Journal compiled information from the Human Rights Campaign, the National Conference of State Legislatures, and other sources, to compile a user-friendly interactive map.

Text of State Constitutional Amendments Targeting Same-Sex Marriage. If you're one of those people who wants to read the laws themselves to see how exactly gay marriage is outlawed, check out this collection put together by Lambda Legal.

Year 2000 Census Information on Same Sex Households. Expect these numbers to increase in 2010 more than other types of families. The 2010 census will be the first to let gay couples report as married.

3)
Immigration Equality premiered a new video on Valentine's Day at the Huffington Post.

This video highlights the plight of binational same-sex couples who cannot get married. In a straight couple, the US partner can sponsor the other for residency. LGBT couples do not have that option, which means the non-US partner can be targeted for discrimination and kicked out of the country.

There are 36,000 lesbian and gay binational families in the United States, and half of those are also raising young children.

According to Rachel B. Tiven, Immigration Equality's executive director, "For every day that passes without action from Congress, another family faces separation and another child is put in jeopardy of losing a parent."

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, i.e., LGBT love, has come a long way, but there's still some distance to travel. Eventually it'll be The Love Where LGBT Couples Get The Same Rights As Straight Couples, then the Love Whose Children's Get The Same Legal Protections.

Finally, ultimately, it'll all just be Love. And that's what Valentine's Day - and Freedom To Marry Week - is all about.

The Saint Comes Marching In ... For Marriage Equality

Happy Freedom to Marry Week!

I'm pleased to say that the Saints are winners.

No, I don't mean because they won the Super Bowl, which they did, beating the Colts 31 to 17. (At least that's what I read in the news - no sports-gay am I!)

I don't even mean the entire team of the New Orleans Saints. I'm talking about one specific person.

Scott Fujita, linebacker for the Saints, is a total winner.

Last year, he participated in the National Equality March in Washington and became a vocal supporter for marriage equality. This is significant for two reasons.

First, he's a straight ally - the married father of two twin girls - who wasn't really involved in the gay rights movement before this.

Second, and more remarkably, he's a professional football player, and pro sports are notable for being a bastion of entrenched homophobia. It's extremely rare for a gay sports figure to come out, and it's also unusual for the topic of sexual orientation to even be discussed, much less for someone to be vocal about their support for LGBT equality. The NFL is not renown for its progressiveness and diversity.

Scott Fujita talked about why he endorsed the National Equality March and why he supports LGBT equality in an interview with Dave Zirin in the Huffington Post last October.

"By and large in this country the issue of gay rights and equality should be past the point of debate. Really, there should be no debate anymore.

"For me, in my small platform as a professional football player, my time in the spotlight is probably limited. The more times you have to lend your name to a cause you believe in, you should do that.

"I remember reading about an initiative that was proposed in the state of Arkansas. It was some kind of measure aimed at preventing adoptions by single parents.

"Now, the way I translated that language was that only heterosexual, married couples could adopt children. As an adopted child, that really bothered me.

"What that is really saying is that the concern with one's sexual orientation outweighs what's really important, and that's finding safe homes for children, for our children.

"It's also saying that we'd rather have kids bounce around from foster home to foster home throughout the course of their childhood, than end up in a permanent home, where the parent, whether that person's single or not, gay or straight.

"Either way, it doesn't matter. It's a home that's going to be provided for a kid who desperately needs a home. As an adopted child, that measure really bothered me. It just boggles my mind because good, loving homes for any child are the most important thing."

So say we all! I'm still not a football follower, but I'm definitely now a fan of the Scott Fujita. No matter how you look at it, this guy's a Saint.

Here Come the Brides! Freedom to Marry Week 2010

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and we're also coming up on the annual celebration of Freedom to Marry Week 2010.

This will be the lucky 13th annual celebration, and it will run from Feb 8-14.

Obviously LGBT folks do not currently have the freedom to marry their loved ones in North Carolina (and most of the US). This week marks an opportunity to share our stories, reflect on the values of equality and love, and engage our neighbors in the movement for freedom, family, and fairness.

Marriage equality is important, not just because marriage is a symbol but also for the more than 1,000 rights that civil marriage carries.

(Note the reference to "marriage equality." If you refer to "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage," you're making it sounds like LGBT folks want something other than marriage, and you're implying that marriage somehow implicitly denies gay folks. You can read an essay on this specific topic here. Language matters.)

For more about Freedom to Marry week, check out the information at Freedom to Marry.

If you do nothing else, look at their FAQ, appropriately titled "Short Answers to Big Questions."

The single most important action everyone can take towards achieving marriage equality nationwide is having conversations with friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone who will listen about why the freedom to marry matters to you.

Conversation Starters

10 Ways to Start Conversations About The Freedom To Marry

Toolkits

Talking about Marriage and Relationship Recognition for Gay Couples

Talking About Marriage in African-American Communities

Talking About Marriage in Latino/a Communities

Talking About Marriage in Asian/Pacific Islander Communities

Handouts

From Oregon: Mailers with Personal Stories and Info about Why Marriage Matters

From California: Sample Ads for People of Color

The Freedom to Marry as a Matter of Economic Justice

The Freedom to Marry: Why Non-Gay People Care and What We Can Do About It

And of course, we encourage you to sign up on Equality NC's marriage registry - to celebrate your civil marriage, commitment ceremony, anniversary, or partnership celebration - to show your support for LGBT equality.

Working together, we'll soon all be able to walk down the aisle with the one we love!

An International Issue: LGBT Couples

Happy MLK Day, All!

Please take a moment today to reflect on the efforts of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., including not just his great work for racial justice but also what he did for social justice.

He said, "The revolution for human rights is opening up unhealthy areas in American life and permitting a new and wholesome healing to take place. Eventually the civil rights movement will have contributed infinitely more to the nation than the eradication of racial injustice. It will have enlarged the concept of brotherhood to a vision of total interrelatedness."

Also, let's not forget that one of his main advisors, Bayard Rustin, was gay. This refrain is a standard trope for the LGBT movement, but that's simply because it's true.

Finally, be sure to remember his wife, Coretta Scott King, who was a tireless advocate for fairness and justice for LGBT folks, including marriage equality.

On a different note, over the weekend, I found two of my bear friends are splitting up. They've been a couple for years and years.

No, they're not becoming single - they're still a couple. One of them is Canadian, and his visa is not being renewed. He has to move out of the country for a year.

Now, they're making plans to make this work. The one who's a US citizen is planning regular visits to Canada, and the one who's leaving is lucky that his job is willing to hold his position while he's gone.

Still, this situation is so unfair. Imagine having to unsettle your entire life for a year, moving away from your job and partner, your friends and home.

If they could get married, this wouldn't happen. Every day, more than 36,000 lesbian and gay families are impacted every day by discriminatory immigration policies.

A simpler, and much more likely to be timely solution, is simply immigration reform that includes LGBT families. For more information about this important issue and information on how to take action, go to Immigration Equality's page about the Uniting American Families Act.

It won't help them now, but it could be a big help for them - and thousands of others - in the future. You never know what's going to happen in life. Who knows, immigration reform may critically change your life, if not directly then through your friends and family.

Three Cool Bits About Marriage Equality

1)
With all of our struggles towards marriage equality, have you ever wondered how the world would look if you mapped out marriage equality, separate but equal laws, no recognition of gay relationships, and criminalization of LGBT folks?

If so, then wonder no more! Behold, from Wikipedia, the marriage equality map.

Though it lacks the obvious credibility of a moderated, authoritative source, this Wikipedia entry presents a ton of data and citations so you judge its validity and accuracy for yourself.

(From a quick overview of the things I know are true, this map is spot-on.)

It presents an interesting picture and gives a broader perspective. Sadly, the most interesting parts are Africa and the Middle East, where several countries have homoicidally antigay tendencies, and Asia, which is mostly blank.

In fairness, let's also give a shout-out to our northern neighbors, who often seem to be a benign (albeit cold!) alternative version of America. Oh, Canada!

2)
You may have already heard that Massachusetts, the first state with marriage equality, has, by far, the lowest divorce rates.

You may also have heard that the divorce rate has fallen every year since marriage equality occured. Now, post facto doesn't mean ipso facto. However, we now have more evidence of a correlation. Take a look:

Divorce Rates Higher in States with Gay Marriage Bans

Here's an excerpt of the first paragraph:

"Over the past decade or so, divorce has gradually become more uncommon in the United States. Since 2003, however, the decline in divorce rates has been largely confined to states which have not passed a state constitutional ban on gay marriage. These states saw their divorce rates decrease by an average of 8 percent between 2003 and 2008. States which had passed a same-sex marriage ban as of January 1, 2008, however, saw their divorce rates rise by about 1 percent over the same period."


3)
Lastly, take a look at:
The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage: Why same-sex marriage is an American value. by Ted Olson from Newsweek. Ted Olson is a conservative Name, being a lifelong Republican and part of the Reagan and Bush I administrations.

"I Do"s Coming to DC, LGBT Protections in East Point, GA

At the end of 2009, there's been more good news from the South.

Washington DC’s City Council has voted for marriage equality in the nation’s capital. Mayor Adrian Fenty has signed the bill, which was co-sponsored by 10 of the city council’s 13 members.

The law has to be reviewed by Congress, which has the final say on DC's laws. Lawmakers appear unlikely to intervene though, so gay couples could be legally marrying in Washington by March.

Meanwhile, the town of East Point, GA, has made smaller headlines by joining a handful of other cities in that state to adopt protections for its gay and transgender employees. The local law, which passed unanimously, prohibits employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

The city has had domestic partner benefits since 2005, and the city charter also includes a Bill of Rights section that says the city will not adopt any laws that intentionally discriminate against gays and lesbians.

Atlanta, Decatur and Doraville are other Georgia cities that protect LGBT employees. The cities of Chamblee and Clarkston prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation but not gender identity.

These are the incremental local changes that pave the path towards equality and fairness. This is why local activism and simple visibility is so important, whether its in your town, your workplace, or your neighborhood.

People often dismiss the South as being intolerant and backwards, but the reality is that it's like anywhere else, with pockets of prejudice but also pockets of progress. We just need to help make sure the right pockets grow bigger.

Equality in the News December 4th-December 11th

Here’s this week’s round up everyone. I’m sad to say that this will probably be my last entry because my time interning at Equality N.C. has come to an end. I’ve learned a lot in the semester that worked with everyone and hope to continue to do my part for the striving for equality.

-Jennifer

STATE

Domestic Partnership Benefits in Mecklenburg Co.

In last week’s Equality in the News post, I reported that Mecklenburg county was in the process of deciding when and if a discussion of domestic partner benefits would take place in the Mecklenburg County Board of Commissioners meeting. I’m proud to report that on December 15th, domestic partner benefits will be discussed on the regular meeting agenda!

NATION

GLSEN’s “Think Before You Speak” Campaign

Recently, GLSEN launched an online campaign encouraging people to “Think before they speak,” when using offensive terms in reference to LGBTs or in reference or substitution for other words. The original campaign started in 2008 with celebrity endorsed T.V. commercials, but now has taken over the internet with participants in the campaign having access to downloadable ad banners, blog modules and slur counters for their own blogs and social networking sites (such as twitter and facebook).

Delayed Equal Marriage vote for NJ & Bruce Springsteen

Senate President Richard Codey has honored the request to delay Thursday’s scheduled vote on NJ’s bill to legalize equal marriage. Other senators believe the bill will not receive the 21 votes needed to pass.

Speaking of NJ, Bruce Springsteen is backing equal marriage for NJ! Springsteen recently posted a statement on his website urging support of the equal marriage bill (that has since been delayed from Thursday’s original date).

California School District Bans LGBT friendly Curriculum (Lesson 9)

The Alameda school district is in conflict over a 45-minute lesson taught once a year that emphasizes anti-bullying lessons in six specific forms, including bullying specific to LGBT students. Many parents in the community feel that elementary school is “too early,” for their students to learn about LGBT citizens. Other families feel as though the lesson should continue on counts that students as young as elementary school have been heard using offensive language and phrases towards LGBT.

The district, although torn, has decided to opt-out of lesson 9, supposedly to protect itself from further lawsuits.

California Chooses First Openly Gay Assembly Speaker

On Thursday, Assembly Democrats unanimously chose John Perez (the chairman of the Assembly Democratic Caucus) to be its next speaker. Perez will take over the position from Assembly Speaker Karen Bass (elected in February 2008). Congrats to John Perez!

WORLD

Austrian Parliament gives OK to Civil Unions

On Thursday, Austria’s parliament passed legislation allowing civil unions for same-sex couples. The bill will become a law on January 1st, 2010 and give the couples access to a pensions and alimonies. Unlike straight couples, same-sex couples won’t be able to record their unions with the civil registry office, but with another authority instead.

The South Will Rise Again (In A Positive, Inclusive Way, That Is ...)!

It's easy to get caught up in some of the major LGBT news events that happen in other parts of the country (e.g., the gain - and then loss - of marriage equality in California and Maine), but we shouldn't lose sight of the incremental but significant victories that are occurring here in the South.

Our neighbors and fellow citizens believe in fairness, and the more open and visible LGBT folks become, the more progress we'll make in our neighborhoods and towns.

Consider:

• Georgia just elected the nation's first black lesbian legislator (an inclusive twofer!). Simone Bell, won a runoff election to represent Georgia State House District 58. For more than 20 years, she worked as an activist and advocate in Atlanta and across the South, tackling issues of workplace equality, access to affordable health care, fighting HIV/AIDS stigma and discrimination, safe schools for all children, youth empowerment, and women’s issues. She becomes the second openly LGBT member of the Georgia State House, joining Rep. Karla Drenner.

• Atlanta voters elected the city’s first gay man, and first Asian-American, (again, a two-in-one step forward) to the city council. Alex Wan will represent District 6 after winning an election run-off. He is development director of Jerusalem House, Atlanta’s oldest and largest provider of permanent, supportive housing for homeless or low-income individuals and families living with HIV/AIDS.

• Washington (not the original, historic one we have here in North Carolina, but instead that second one in D.C. that likes to hog the headlines) just had their city council vote in favor of marriage equality (in the first of two votes). This initial vote was almost unanimous with 11 against two voting to legalize same-sex marriage. And signs are positive for the next vote in a couple of weeks.
  
  (According to Our Families Count, D.C. has the largest percentage of same-sex couples in the nation, where 1.5 percent of all households comprise same-sex couples. This is more than double the documented percentage of any state.)
  

• Just a couple of weeks ago, the Charleston, SC, City Council passed legislation that prohibits discrimination in matters of public accommodation and housing and includes protection for LGBT folks. Now, South Carolina is not a bastion of progressive, gay-positive liberalism. This is a huge victory for fairness and equality.

• A few months ago, AAA South (the 4th largest AAA affiliate in the country, covering more than 4 million members in Florida, Georgia, Tennessee and Puerto Rico) said it recognized all spouses, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. The policy now lets gay married couples receive spousal discounts under AAA's Associate Membership program. This happened after Equality Florida launched conversations with AAA after receiving calls from gay couples who had been denied family memberships.

Add all that to our amazing wins in North Carolina this year and you see a region that is moving closer to equality day by day.

Change doesn't occur instantly. Instead, it happens bit by bit, locally and regionally before it finally culminates in larger, national progress.

Fairness doesn't come when the majority votes on rights for the minority. Instead, it comes when the minority is seen as ordinary, when LGBT struggles are seen as the regular travails of all folks, not something different or other. It comes from knowing our neighbors, being in the local PTA, shopping at the farmer's market, going to the movies as an out LGBT family.

Change is slow, but it does come, and it's happening all around us. It may sound hard to believe, but for the bright future of equality, look to the South.

We'll Be Back, and We'll Win

Waking up this morning to the news that Maine voters narrowly approved a measure overturning the marriage equality law passed by the legislature was a kick in the gut. The memory of California's Prop. 8 last year is still fresh.

My thoughts go out to all the families in Maine who will continue to be denied dignity and equality under the law. Many of us will need time to grieve over the fact that a majority of our fellow citizens would vote to deny lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people their full civil rights.

And yet, I'm also encouraged by what happened in Maine. Just under half of voters — tens of thousands of people — voted for marriage equality. While it wasn't enough, let's not forget that just fifteen years ago, few Americans had even heard of the concept of marriage equality for same-sex couples.

We've come a long way fast. And, despite the heartbreaking setback of yesterday's vote, the momentum is still very much on our side.

I also find hope in the phenomenal campaign that the No On 1 team ran. They talked one on one with tens of thousands of voters. They put the faces and stories of same-sex couples and families at the forefront. They engaged leaders from local elected officials to the Governor in the fight for marriage equality.

We even had a number of Equality North Carolina supporters who went up to Maine to help out, and many more who made calls to Maine voters from their homes.

Of course, after some time to grieve, we should look at what worked well and what could be done better next time. But I suspect that in the final analysis we'll see that the work No On 1 did won over thousands and thousands of voters to our side.

The state just wasn't quite there yet. But it will be.

A little history: Maine voters went to the polls four times to vote on nondiscrimination based on sexual orientation. The first three times they rejected it. But Equality Maine didn't give up, and the state legislators who believed in fairness didn't give up. Now it's the law of the land.

We've got to keep fighting in Maine and in every state.

Yesterday, voters in Washington state approved comprehensive domestic partnerships, and in Kalamazoo, Michigan, voters rejected vicious attacks on the transgender community to support the city's nondiscrimination ordinance.

New York and New Jersey have a real chance of passing marriage equality legislation this year. The Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which would protect many workers from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, could become law in the next few months.

All of that's going to take a lot of hard work.

Rest assured, if we do that work, we'll win marriage back in Maine, California, and, eventually we'll win our full civil rights in states like North Carolina and the whole nation. We know how to do it.

I'm in it to win it. Are you?