Valentiny Activism

GetEQUAL and Marriage Equality USA are staging protests across the country to show the inequality in our nation's marriage laws.

"Over the weekend and this afternoon, LGBT activists across the country took action at marriage counters and city halls across the country, drawing attention to the fact that loving couples – some of whom have been together for decades – are still living as second-class citizens without the right to marry."

One of those protests is occurring right here in Asheville, NC.

“Today, we're so proud of all the people taking actions across the country,” said Robin McGehee, director of GetEQUAL. “We're thrilled with how many people across the country have decided that enough is enough, and have committed to organizing in their own communities in order to draw attention to their desire to marry the person they love.”

Molly McKay, media director of Marriage Equality USA, said, “The actions that have taken place across the country are just one more way that we are bringing discrimination out of the shadows and into the light, highlighting the loving relationships that are thriving throughout the country despite government-sanctioned discrimination.”

GetEQUAL will be posting photos and video on its Facebook page throughout the day.

Family Blogging

In the wake of the NC Supreme Court decision that voided gay second-parent adoption in the state (*sigh*), here are some gay family blogs.

While this decision is a setback here in North Carolina, there was an upside. The court decision also affirmed gay joint custody, which was decided by the Court of Appeals a couple of years ago.

If you're a co-parent, go here for a roadmap on how to take affirmative action - by your behavior, by conveying your intentions clearly to each other, by your agreements with each other, and by what you put in writing - to codify your desire to serve as co-parents.

Obviously you should consult a lawyer for creating legal agreements. The important thing, however, is to take steps now to show your intention to raise your kid(s) together.

In the meantime, however, share the joy (and hassle) of other LGBT families raising their children:

• Celebrating All Families, celebratingallfamilies.blogspot.com/
• Dads in the Burbs, dadsintheburbs.blogspot.com/
• Jesus has Two Daddies, jesushas2daddies.blogspot.com/
• Julie Shapiro (a lawyer’s blog on L/G adoption), julieshapiro.wordpress.com/
• Me and She, me-n-she.blogspot.com/
• Mother Issues, motherissues.wordpress.com/
• My Two Dads, patrickandcarl.blogspot.com/
• Those Two Daddies, thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com/
• Two Dads, One Girl, twodadsonegirl.blogspot.com/

Presidential Appointments (Amidst Disappointments)

Amidst dwindling hopes of any significant legislative progress under the hand of our current national executive officer (that's you, DADT!), there's still a definite cause of LGBT celebration from the president. Less than halfway through his first term, Barack Obama has appointed more openly gay officials than any other president in history, as well as the first openly trans appointee.

Gay activists say the estimate of more than 150 appointments so far – from agency heads and commission members to policy officials and senior staffers – surpasses the previous high of about 140 reached during two full terms under President Bill Clinton. So, in less than half a term, Obama has had more LGBT appointments than any other president, including double-termed ones.

“From everything we hear from inside the administration, they wanted this to be part of their efforts at diversity,” said Denis Dison, spokesman for the Presidential Appointments Project of the Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institute.

In a sign of how times have changed, few of the appointees – about two dozen required Senate confirmation – have stirred much controversy. It’s a far cry from the 1993 furor surrounding Clinton’s nomination of then-San Francisco Supervisor Roberta Achtenberg as assistant secretary for Housing and Urban Development.

Achtenberg was the first openly gay official to serve at such a senior level, and she won confirmation despite contentious hearings and opposition from NC's former Sen. Jesse Helms, who denounced her as a “militant extremist.”

Gay activists, among Obama’s strongest supporters, had hoped he would be the first to appoint an openly gay Cabinet secretary. While that hasn’t happened – yet – Obama did appoint the highest-ranking gay official ever when he named John Berry as director of the Office of Personnel Management, which oversees the nation’s 1.9 million federal workers.

Other prominent names include Nancy Sutley, chairwoman of the White House Council on Environmental Quality, and Fred Hochberg, chairman of the Export-Import Bank. Obama also named Amanda Simpson, the first openly transgender appointee, as a senior technical adviser in the Commerce Department. And David Huebner, ambassador to New Zealand and Samoa, is the third openly gay ambassador in U.S. history.

White House spokesman Shin Inouye confirmed the record number, saying Obama has hired more gay officials than the Clinton and George W. Bush administrations combined. He said Obama “is proud that his appointments reflect the diversity of the American public.”

“He is committed to appointing highly qualified individuals for each post,” Inouye said. “We have made a record number of openly LGBT appointments and we are confident that this number will only continue to grow.”

Dison’s group lists 124 of the appointees on its website. He said the remainder are not listed because they are lower-level officials not formally announced by the White House.

“We learn about a lot of these through informal networks and then work to confirm that they are indeed appointed and that they are openly LGBT,” Dison said.

One Obama nominee who met some opposition was Chai Feldblum, a Georgetown University law professor nominated to serve on the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Concerned Women for America accused Feldblum of playing “a major role in pushing the homosexual and transsexual agenda on Americans.” Other conservative groups blasted her role in drafting the Employment Nondiscrimination Act, a bill that would ban employers from discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Obama made Feldblum a recess appointment in March after an anonymous hold in the Senate held up her confirmation for months.

Another target for conservatives was Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network, who was named to oversee the Education Department’s Office of Safe & Drug Free Schools. More than 50 House Republicans asked Obama to remove Jennings from the post after reports surfaced about advice he gave more than 20 years earlier after learning a gay student had sex with an older man.

Jennings conceded that he should have consulted medical or legal authorities instead of telling the 15-year-old boy that he hoped he had used a condom. The Obama administration defended Jennings and declined to remove him.

It was in early 2008 that the Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institute focused its Presidential Appointments Project on steering thousands of resumes of qualified gay professionals to White House jobs. Dison said that push has helped increase the numbers, though it certainly helped to have a more receptive White House.

The more LGBT folks that work within government at lower levels, the more visibility there is for the entire movement, and the more change will ultimately occur at higher levels.

In the end, lots of small advancements add up to huge ones.

What About The Children? National Adoption Month!

My partner and I adopted our son through the foster care system here in North Carolina, so today's blog topic is a big deal to me.

November is National Adoption Month, celebrated throughout the United States in an effort to finalize adoptions from foster care, and to celebrate all adoptive families. (National Adoption Day falls on November 20 this year, the Saturday before Thanksgiving).

This year's National Adoption Month initiative targets adoption professionals by focusing on ways to recruit and retain parents for the 115,000 children and youth in foster care waiting for adoptive families. The National Adoption Month poster (PDF - 3569 KB) notes strategies adoption professionals can implement any day, week, or month to benefit children waiting for families. The Spanish National Adoption Month poster (PDF - 3599 KB) also provides suggestions for working with Spanish-speaking families throughout the year.

Now is a great time for LGBT folks to adopt, and the foster care system is a great place to look for kids who need homes and parents.

Thousands of children in North Carolina enter the foster care system each year, and range in age from infants to 18 years old. All foster children have unique backgrounds, experiences, personalities, strengths, and needs.

The NC foster care system is open to gay parents. (OK, well, technically, they're neither open nor not open.) Your actual experience will depend on any foster care agency you go through and/or the officials in any county DSS (Department of Social Services) that you deal with. We found everyone we interacted with to be extremely positive and supportive of us as a gay male couple looking to adopt - all they cared about was being sure that the kids in need found a good, loving home that could support and care for them.

During November, there are plenty of things you can do to observe National Adoption Month, either as a parent, prospective parent, or someone who has no plans to have children but wants to support adoptive families. Some ideas for this month include:

☼ Write down your family story and add it to a scrapbook.

☼ Contact your local paper about National Adoption Month, and ask them to publish a positive story about adoption.

☼ Contact a children's organization or foster care agency and ask how you can help.

☼ Create your family tree. Complete one about your child's birth family (if information is known) as well as your adoptive family.

☼ If you have one, ask your place of worship to offer a special prayer for children in foster care waiting for adoption.

☼ Watch a movie with an adoption theme.

☼ Donate books about adoption to your local or school library.

There are already thousands of children out there who need homes, and foster care and adoption are great ways to form your family.

(And if you're thinking about having kids or are already a parent, the Family Equality Council is a great resource.)

Adoption is a great way to make a positive impact in a kid's life, and it's also an investment in the future for yourself, LGBT folks, the country, and society as a whole.

It's easy to think that you won't be a good parent, but I can guarantee you that having you as a parent will be hundreds of times better than having no parent at all.

Out Law - NC Bar Association Incorporates Anti-Bias Language

Remember a few months ago the bit at the bottom of this about the NC Bar Association:

Bar None - American Bar Association Supports Marriage Equality

...?

Well, good news! It happened this past Friday. It, of course, refers to the inclusion of LGBT folks in suggested anti-bais language that encourages proper conduct for lawyers. This is an update to the preamble to its Rules of Professional Conduct that urges lawyers not to discriminate in their practices "on the basis of race, gender, national origin, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity." (Those last two are the significant ones.)

[Information below is from the News & Observer: http://www.newsobserver.com/2010/10/30/769898/state-bar-oks-anti-bias-language.html#ixzz142SeS13Z]

"The regulatory body for North Carolina's lawyers has given final approval to language designed to discourage attorneys from having personal bias against representing gays and transgender people.

The N.C. State Bar Council voted 35-20 Friday in favor of changes to the preamble of their rules of professional conduct.

Some attorneys and interest groups were concerned because the proposal contained "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" in a list of eight characteristics that shouldn't lead to biased conduct. They said that could prevent lawyers from declining to take cases on moral grounds.

Council member Mark Merritt says lawyers can still withdraw from cases if they think they are unable to defend clients vigorously."

Another small step for inclusion .... In the long run, they mark the path to fairness and justice and victory for everyone.

Hard Science, Gay Parents, Good Kids

Family values are often brought up in the discussion of marriage equality, usually in the context of questioning how gay folks do as parents.

Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Standford, recently added some new scientific data to the growing collection of LGBT-family-affirming studies. Most notably, his facts and figures come the country’s largest source of data, the U.S. Census. In a study published this month in the journal Demography, Rosenfeld concludes that children being raised by same-sex couples have the same educational achievement as children raised by married heterosexual couples.

“The census data show that having parents who are the same gender is not in itself any disadvantage to children,” he said. “Parents’ income and education are the biggest indicators of a child’s success. Family structure is a minor determinant.”

In fact, Rosenfeld’s study shows that children of gay and married couples had lower grade-repetition rates than their peers raised by opposite-sex unmarried couples and single parents. And all children living in some type of family environment did much better than those living in group housing.

“One of the fundamental issues in modern family law that differs from state to state is whether same-sex couples can adopt,” Rosenfeld said. “My research makes clear that there’s a huge advantage to kids to be out of the care of the state and into the care of any family.”

Because gays and lesbians make up a smaller proportion of the American population (and those with children are a just tiny sliver), it has been difficult for researchers to conduct a representative study of how their children perform in the classroom. Opponents of marriage equality often criticize earlier studies for having sample sizes that are too small.

“Sample size is power,” Rosenfeld said. “And the census is the biggest sample we have. This study is based on a sample of thousands and thousands of kids.”

Despite the fact that the cost of becoming parents may be higher for gays and lesbians than for heterosexual couples, gay couples who did have children had substantially lower income and educational attainment than gay and lesbian
couples in general. Nevertheless, their kids did well.

Children of gay parents also tended to be racial minorities. Only 22.9% of children of heterosexual married couples are black or Hispanic, whereas 41.6% of children of gay men are black or Hispanic, and 37.1% of children of lesbians are black or Hispanic.

“Social scientists have an obligation to shed light where they can on issues that are roiling the public,” he said. “Sometimes we have to throw up our hands and admit that something is unknowable. But in this case, we could bring some real hard data to bear on an area that was otherwise really in the dark.”

"The analysis in this article, the first to use large-sample, nationally-representative data, shows that children raised by same-sex couples have no fundamental deficits in making normal progress through school. The core finding here offers a measure of validation for the prior, and much-debated, small-sample studies."

(I remember the first time I heard one of my kid's friends lament the unfairness of not having two dads. Who knew how truly disadvantaged he was? Still, it behooves us all not to hold any child's parentage against him! 8-])

Bar None - American Bar Association Supports Marriage Equality

Lawyers and legal associations are often considered to be staid, conservative groups, slow to change, quick to maintain the status quo.

Last week, The American Bar Association made this resolution at its annual meeting:

"RESOLVED, That the American Bar Association urges state, territorial, and tribal governments to eliminate all of their legal barriers to civil marriage between two persons of the same sex who are otherwise eligible to marry."

The ABA is the nation’s leading legal organization that recommends judges and sets national standards for attorneys. This resolution was adopted as an affirmation that every American is vested with certain inalienable rights and that all Americans are created equal. The ABA’s action shows that there is a broad consensus among legal scholars and practitioners that that excluding LGBT folks marriage violates their constitutional right to due process and equal protection.

This is a huge step forward and certainly indicative of changing societal attitudes.

Even here in North Carolina our local bar association is looking at making some progress, though nothing quite as dramatic. The NC Bar Association is currently considering an update to the preamble to its Rules of Professional Conduct that would urge lawyers not to discriminate in their practices "on the basis of race, gender, national origin, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity." (Those last two are the significant ones.)

It's not exactly marriage equality and equal application of laws to all people, but it's still a start.

The Kids Really Are All Right

(Thanks to ENC Communication Intern Matthew McGibney.)

I’m going to start by admitting that I haven’t seen the new film The Kids Are All Right yet, though everyone keeps telling me I should. I’ve heard good and bad things about how it portrays lesbian couples and their children, but obviously I can’t yet pass a judgment on that.

Either way, I’m sure the film will start a dialogue about gay folks adopting kids, and start some fear-mongering from the radical right about how it (equal adoption rights, not Julianne Moore’s acting) is a threat to children. At the same time, the National Organization for Marriage is on its summer marriage inequality tour, doing its best to spread misinformation about gay couples.

So I thought it might be interesting to see what the, you know, facts are about gay adoption. Luckily for us, researchers at the University of Virginia recently released a new study on that very subject. So here’s the question: How do kids with gay parents compare to other kids? Is being gay a legitimate reason to deny a couple equal adoption rights?

I don’t think the answers will surprise you.

"We found that children adopted by lesbian and gay couples are thriving," said Charlotte J. Patterson, a leader of the study, to the Virginia-based News Reader. "Our results provide no justification for denying lesbian or gay prospective adoptive parents the opportunity to adopt children. With thousands of children in need of permanent homes in the United States alone, our findings suggest that outreach to lesbian and gay prospective adoptive parents might benefit children who are in need."

Let’s just hope those in-need children don’t live in Florida, Mississippi, or Utah, where it’s illegal for gay people to adopt.

The study found that approaches to parenting, parenting stress and the strength of the couple’s relationship had the biggest effect on the child’s well-being, irrespective of whether the parents were gay or not. In fact, the study found that the children of gay couples were just as well-adjusted as those adopted by straight couples.

This report joins a growing body of work on this subject, with studies like this one in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, saying that the 17-year-old daughters and sons of lesbian mothers turned out significantly better than the average 17-year-old.

The children of gay couples are not disadvantaged growing up, and we can point to solid, scientific studies to support that claim. Equal adoption is not a “historically unprecedented and unproven social experiment with our children,” as Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family put it, but rather an option in the best interests of children.

If the choice for a foster child is no parents or gay parents, it’s a pretty easy decision for child-care workers to make. We need to remove state laws that take this choice away because of prejudice and lies.

And I need to get to the movies (sorry, Julianne, for making fun of your acting).

ADA PWA+

(Thanks to ENC Communication Intern Matthew McGibney.)

In addition to being the victims of an epidemic, people living with HIV/AIDS throughout the 1980s were the target of mass misinformation, discrimination and fear. The decade witnessed a complete lack of leadership from the White House in confronting the massive public health crisis, with reverberations that continue to this day.

While people with HIV/AIDS still face prejudice in 2010, there has been a major cultural shift toward greater acceptance and understanding. One source of this shift can be found in another branch of the government, the Supreme Court.

On July 26, people with HIV/AIDS joined the celebrations of the twentieth anniversary of the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), thanks to the Court’s ruling in the 1998 case Bragdon v. Abbott. Bragdon concerned an HIV-positive woman, Sidney Abbott, who was denied service at her dentist’s office after she disclosed that she was infected. Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD) took up her case all the way to the Supreme Court, which eventually ruled 5 to 4 in her favor.

The decision meant that people with HIV/AIDS were covered under the ADA and could not, for example, be refused medical care, as long as the care-giver wasn’t put in danger. The Court had formally recognized the strife of the infected.

Bragdon v. Abbott was the first HIV-related case heard by the Court, and while it did not change everyone’s opinions about people with HIV/AIDS, it did legitimize their suffering in a legal setting. By extending federal legal protections to people living with HIV/AIDS, the Court struck out at the taboos of the 1980s, and paved the way for a greater understanding of the disease by the general public.

The case shows that the government does have a role in attacking prejudice. Official acknowledgment that certain things are wrong (for example, denying dental care to a HIV-positive person) can shine a light on ignorance. This light must be applied to other issues where government supported discrimination still exists, such as Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the gay blood donor ban. Cultural attitudes are changing, and this shift needs to be mirrored by the government’s reaction to its own discriminatory policies.

Bigotry in Schools is Literally Costly

Remember Constance McMillen?

Her school in Fulton, Mississippi, didn’t allow her to go to prom with her girlfriend. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) offered to help her with a lawsuit, so her school threw a fit and cancelled the prom for everyone.

Well there’s finally good news!

On July 20, the ACLU won their case against Constance’s school. As part of a settlement agreement, the Itawamba Agricultural High School will set up a non-discrimination policy that protects LGBT students, and it will pay Constance $35,000 in addition to her lawyer fees.

It won’t make up for the embarrassment of being sent to a fake prom, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction. Most importantly, we can only hope that it will allow Constance a way to move forward with her life.

"It means a lot to me," Constance said to CNN. "The amount of support helps me to continue with the fight."

It worth noting that here in North Carolina, our anti-bullying policy protects students from this kind of discrimination. Here’s a concrete example of a situation that could have been avoided with a similar policy in Mississippi. It’s good that they got to anti-discrimination eventually, but it’s always nicer to have it done with state-wide legislation than through litigation.

(Last year, here in North Carolina, Equality NC, together with a strong coalition of organizations and thousands of dedicated supporters across the state, overcame the odds and made history by winning passage of S.B. 526, the School Violence Prevention Act, to provide strong protections against bullying and harassment in schools, with explicit protections for LGBT youth.

This landmark law marks the first time sexual orientation and gender identity are protected in North Carolina law, and the first time gender identity is protected in the any Southern state.

For more information on NC's anti-bullying law, check out our SVPA Implementation Toolkit.)

Domestic Violence: Equal Under The Law

There was good news from Washington recently as the Justice Department determined that the criminal provisions in the Violence Against Women Act apply equally to gay couples.

The decision was articulated in a memorandum by David J. Barron, an assistant attorney general in the Justice Department. Barron decided that “the text, relevant case law and legislative history” support the conclusion that the law applies “when the offender and the victim are the same sex.” The act also uses gender-neutral language, referring to “another person” instead of “a woman.”

Basically the Justice Department decided that protections in the act, such as the provisions against stalking and domestic violence, apply to gay couples as well as straight couples. The memo gives guidance to federal prosecutors across the country, who will be able to apply the Violence Against Women Act to incidents of same-sex relationship violence.

The clarification to the act comes as efforts to legalize marriage equality for same-sex couples continue in the capital. Though there has been no response from social conservative groups, it is noteworthy that a member of the Justice Department from Bush administration corroborates Barron’s analysis in The New York Times as correct as a matter of statutory interpretation.

Congress first passed the Violence Against Women Act in 1994. Among other things, its provisions made it a federal crime to cross state lines with the intent of committing domestic violence, stalking, or violating a protection order. Lawmakers have since expanded the act several times.

Happy First Anniversay, Iowa!

You might not remember, but this time last year was the start of marriage equality in Iowa.

The Iowa Supreme Court, in Varnum v. Brien, ruled unanimously for equality for same-sex couples and their families. This made Iowa the third state where LGBT
couples had the freedom to marry.

It was also significant in that it was the first state in the heartland of America to get marriage equality. This began a series of successes that brought the freedom to marry to same-sex couples in Vermont, New Hampshire, and Washington, D.C.

Marriage equality hasn't been a sure and steady path - the loss of fairness and freedom to marry in Maine was a huge setback - but we have made amazing progress. Only a year ago, there were just two places in our country where same-sex couples could marry. Now there are six!

We honor and join the joyous couples in Iowa who are celebrating their first anniversary.

Lambda Legal captured some of the voices and images from the weddings of their clients in the Varnum case. You can take a look here to see what an impact equality makes.

(If the embedded video, below, doesn't work, click here to watch a YouTube video.)



It's easy to get caught up in the struggles and travails for freedom and fairness for LGBT Americans, and the losses always hurt so much, but it's critical to celebrate the victories that give us a model to aim for.

Happy Anniversary to all couples from corn country!

Supporting LGBT Victims of Crime

The National Center for Victims of Crime and and The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs recently released a report, "Why It Matters: Rethinking Victim Assistance for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Victims of Hate Violence and Intimate Partner Violence." (Download the full PDF here.)

This report is the product of a 2009 nationwide survey of mainstream victim assistance providers and anti-violence programs serving the LGBT community. It describes widespread gaps in victim services for gay victims of crime and recommends steps to improve both the services and their accessibility.

Among its finding:

• LGBT victims do not have consistent access to culturally competent services to prevent or help victims recover from violence. For example, most respondent organizations lack outreach to gay victims, cultural competence training for staff, gay-positive/specific victim services policies and practices, and collaboration with LGBT providers.
• Mainstream victim assistance agencies do not provide a culturally sensitive response to these victims, and gay-specific anti-violence programs either lack resources to meet the need or simply do not exist. As a result, LGBT victims suffer disproportionately from violence and its aftereffects.
• Only six percent of survey respondents reported that the majority of the victims they served were LGBT people, and the types of services these agencies offer to victims differ significantly.

The report suggest that in order to address these problems, we need to eliminate the obstacles that prevent LGBT victims from reporting crimes and accessing victim services. Law enforcement agencies often underestimate the levels of violence against these victims, and the victims - fearing discrimination and further consequences - often hesitate to report partner/domestic/hate-crime violence or to seek victim services.

The National Center for Victims of Crime and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs recommend work to:

• Build collaboration among LGBT anti-violence programs and mainstream victim assistance providers to increase the availability of culturally competent services for gay victims of crime by providing gay-specific training for criminal and civil justice system personnel and victim assistance providers.
• Assess and evaluate the implementation of state and federal protections for victims of crime and implement policy and legislative changes to assure that LGBT victims have equal access to protections.
• Increase public awareness of the extent and impact of victimization against LGBT individuals and communities and on crime victims’ rights and services through national and local public awareness, education, and outreach campaigns.
• Increase state and federal funding for collaboration, training, outreach, services, research, and data collection on the victimization of gay people.

It can be difficult to measure an unaddressed need, simply because we don't know what we don't know.

It's even more difficult when dealing with victims of violence. Even when victims do report the violence, fear of revictimization or lack of knowledge on the part of responders may result in victims receiving services without being identified as being part of the gay community. Service providers may not have the mechanisms to properly document LGBT relationships or sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

"With this report, the National Center for Victims of Crime and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs have taken the first step in an initiative between mainstream victim assistance providers and LGBTQ-specific anti-violence programs to increase the efficacy of outreach, prevention, justice, and direct services for LGBTQ individuals, families, and communities harmed by crime.

We invite federal, national, state, tribal, local, and individual collaborators to join us in this endeavor. This initiative must encompass cross-training and collaboration; LGBTQ-specific training for law enforcement and victim assistance agencies; more resources for LGBTQ anti-violence programs; public awareness, education, and outreach; and more consistent LGBTQ-focused research and data collection.

Advocacy to change laws and policies that address the victimization of LGBTQ people is integral to this effort to provide LGBTQ victims with equal access to victims’ rights and services."

1,138

One-thousand one-hundred thirty-eight: That's the number of federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality, according to the General Accounting Office (GAO).

Here are two new resources that want to address the issue of marriage inequality:

Project 1138

Equality Forum, a national and international gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) civil rights organization, has launched the Project 1138 Web site, along with Facebook and Twitter pages.

"What Is Project 1138? Project 1138 increases awareness of the 1,138 federal marital benefits and protections denied to same-sex couples as the result of marriage inequality.

How Did It Originate? In January 1997, Senator Bill Frist, the Republican Majority Leader, asked the General Accounting Office (GAO) to identify how many federal benefits were contingent on being married. The GAO reported that the number of federal benefits was 1,138.

Share Your Story. For more than a thousand reasons, YOUR relationship deserves equal treatment under the law. Take a stand against marriage inequality and share your story. Participate in Equality Forum's Project 1138 blog! Separate is not Equal. Separate is not Equality. "

DOMA Stories: Federal Marriage Discrimination Hurts Families

Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, New England's leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression, has created this resource.

"The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day. Here we share some of those stories. In 1996, Congress passed and President Clinton signed the "Defense of Marriage Act."

DOMA ensured that when states ended their own bans on same-sex couples marrying, the federal government would disregard their marital status for purposes of all 1,138 federal laws in which martial status is a factor. Never before in our nation's history has the federal government disrespected a class of marriages for all federal purposes; the federal government has long relied on states to define marriage.

In 2010, same-sex couples can legally marry in five states and the District of Columbia, and this number will continue to grow. Yet married same-sex couples are denied all of the protections the federal government otherwise makes available to married people. The double standard created by DOMA causes tangible harm to families every day — from higher tax burdens, to an inability to provide for a spouse's health care, to denial of family medical leave and the safety net of social security and survivor benefits the federal government offers all other married partners.

In these stories, loving couples, widows and widowers, from all walks of life, describe how DOMA hurts their families. A new story will be added each week, so please check back often."

Marriage equality is, in many ways, the ultimate expression of equality in our society. Working together, we can get this brass -- or rather, gold -- ring.

Post-Valentine's: Whoopi for Marriage Equality, Just The Facts, Binational Couples

This year, Freedom to Marry Week wrapped up on Valentine's weekend.

Ironically, this weekend thousands of couples chose to tie the knot by entering into civil marriage, but of course, here in North Carolina, none of them were gay.

Many gay couples did indeed celebrate their love, but they weren't able to take part in any of the more than 1,000 rights given by civil marriage.

Still, the marriage equality movement is advancing. A couple of decades ago, it was unthinkable that gay couples would get married, and now we have five states (with D.C. pending) that treat LGBT couples like all other citizens.

Here are three things to note with regard to couple equality:

1)
The conversation around marriage equality is first and foremost about real families, real couples, and real children, who need and deserve the security, clarity, and respect that comes with marriage.

In honor of black history month, the Freedom To Marry Coalition has produced a high-profile list of 10 African-Americans Who Support the Freedom to Marry. You'll recognize the names, and you'll be impressed.

2)

Marriage Equality: Facts and Resources

(Crossposted from Gideon Alper's fantastic Gay Couples Law Blog on 1/18/10.)

Statistics and facts for same-sex marriage can be hard to find. Marriage equality is in the news a lot, but a lot of people just want unbiased information before deciding how they feel about it.

Here's what you need to know:

Support

Latest statistics:

• 41% support marriage equality for gay couples
  
• 49% oppose it
• 10% say it depends/are unsure

Historical trend of increasing support:

• Public support for marriage equality has increased about 1% annually over the last two decades.
• Statisticians predict a majority of Americans will support marriage equality by 2012.

Marriage Laws

Places Where Gay Couples Can Legally Get Married:

• Massachusetts (2004)
• Connecticut (2008)
• Iowa (2009)
• Vermont (2009)
• New Hampshire (2010)
• Washington, D.C. (Coming in March 2010)

Places Where Gay Couples Married In Other Places Are Recognized:

• New York
• California (but only if you got married before Proposition 8 passed)

Demographics

The most recent census did not count marriages gay couples directly, so the following are estimates based on how people reported their household. It counts households with 2 members of the same sex that are unrelated.

• Total Number of Gay Couples: 594,391
• Number of People in a Couple: 1.2 Million
• State With the Most Couples: California (92,138)
• State With the Least Couples: North Dakota (703)
• Highest Concentration of Gay Couple (% of all couples): Washington, D.C. (1.29%)
• Lowest Concentration of Gay Couples (% of all couples): North and South Dakota (.22%)

Gay people make up 1-4% of the population in most cities, but are more concentrated [PDF] in metropolitan areas.

Highest Number of Same-Sex Couples:

1. New York, NY: 47,000
2. Los Angeles, CA: 12,000
3. Chicago, IL: 10,000

Highest Concentration of Gay People:

1. San Francisco, CA: 15.4%
2. Seattle, WA: 12.9%
3. Atlanta, GA: 12.8%

Lowest Concentration of Gay People:

1. Detroit, MI: 1.5%
2. Richmond, VA: 3.4%
3. Cleveland, OH and Memphis, TN: 3.5%

Resources

State by State Map of Gay Marriage Laws. The Wall Street Journal compiled information from the Human Rights Campaign, the National Conference of State Legislatures, and other sources, to compile a user-friendly interactive map.

Text of State Constitutional Amendments Targeting Same-Sex Marriage. If you're one of those people who wants to read the laws themselves to see how exactly gay marriage is outlawed, check out this collection put together by Lambda Legal.

Year 2000 Census Information on Same Sex Households. Expect these numbers to increase in 2010 more than other types of families. The 2010 census will be the first to let gay couples report as married.

3)
Immigration Equality premiered a new video on Valentine's Day at the Huffington Post.

This video highlights the plight of binational same-sex couples who cannot get married. In a straight couple, the US partner can sponsor the other for residency. LGBT couples do not have that option, which means the non-US partner can be targeted for discrimination and kicked out of the country.

There are 36,000 lesbian and gay binational families in the United States, and half of those are also raising young children.

According to Rachel B. Tiven, Immigration Equality's executive director, "For every day that passes without action from Congress, another family faces separation and another child is put in jeopardy of losing a parent."

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, i.e., LGBT love, has come a long way, but there's still some distance to travel. Eventually it'll be The Love Where LGBT Couples Get The Same Rights As Straight Couples, then the Love Whose Children's Get The Same Legal Protections.

Finally, ultimately, it'll all just be Love. And that's what Valentine's Day - and Freedom To Marry Week - is all about.

Here Come the Brides! Freedom to Marry Week 2010

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and we're also coming up on the annual celebration of Freedom to Marry Week 2010.

This will be the lucky 13th annual celebration, and it will run from Feb 8-14.

Obviously LGBT folks do not currently have the freedom to marry their loved ones in North Carolina (and most of the US). This week marks an opportunity to share our stories, reflect on the values of equality and love, and engage our neighbors in the movement for freedom, family, and fairness.

Marriage equality is important, not just because marriage is a symbol but also for the more than 1,000 rights that civil marriage carries.

(Note the reference to "marriage equality." If you refer to "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage," you're making it sounds like LGBT folks want something other than marriage, and you're implying that marriage somehow implicitly denies gay folks. You can read an essay on this specific topic here. Language matters.)

For more about Freedom to Marry week, check out the information at Freedom to Marry.

If you do nothing else, look at their FAQ, appropriately titled "Short Answers to Big Questions."

The single most important action everyone can take towards achieving marriage equality nationwide is having conversations with friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone who will listen about why the freedom to marry matters to you.

Conversation Starters

10 Ways to Start Conversations About The Freedom To Marry

Toolkits

Talking about Marriage and Relationship Recognition for Gay Couples

Talking About Marriage in African-American Communities

Talking About Marriage in Latino/a Communities

Talking About Marriage in Asian/Pacific Islander Communities

Handouts

From Oregon: Mailers with Personal Stories and Info about Why Marriage Matters

From California: Sample Ads for People of Color

The Freedom to Marry as a Matter of Economic Justice

The Freedom to Marry: Why Non-Gay People Care and What We Can Do About It

And of course, we encourage you to sign up on Equality NC's marriage registry - to celebrate your civil marriage, commitment ceremony, anniversary, or partnership celebration - to show your support for LGBT equality.

Working together, we'll soon all be able to walk down the aisle with the one we love!

What's In A Name?

Names have power, and that's especially true for the LGBT community in general. A name is how we identify ourselves, and it's also a tool for affiliating with others.

I know many couples who have changed their last names when they had an official ceremony to formalize their symbolic union.

Naming was important for me and my partner when we adopted our son. Giving him a hyphenated last name has made a lot of casual interactions much easier - he's now automatically affiliated with both of us, simply by dint of sharing our last name.

Names are particularly significant for the trans community. For many trans folks, a legal name change is a first step towards having their legal identities conform to the way they self-identify, as well as the first step towards living their lives authentically.

Securing a legal name change can be an intimidating experience, however, involving interactions with the court system and possibly multiple judges, an experience that is foreign to many people (and onerous to all). It can also involve a significant expense, as well as a serious commitment of time and effort. Until you've done it, it's difficult to understand how hard a process like this can be.

Stories have power, too, and the stories of people who have gone through this process help enlighten the public. The New York Times featured a great article on a program for New York trans residents, the Name Change Project of the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund.

Reading about the travails of other folks in the LGBT community help remind us of our common struggles, as well as broaden our understanding of what other folks are dealing with.

Shakespeare is known for encapsulating universal experiences. As is observed in Romeo and Juliet, "Thou art thyself ... retain that dear perfection."

The love that dare not speak its name would smell as sweet ....

Three Cool Bits About Marriage Equality

1)
With all of our struggles towards marriage equality, have you ever wondered how the world would look if you mapped out marriage equality, separate but equal laws, no recognition of gay relationships, and criminalization of LGBT folks?

If so, then wonder no more! Behold, from Wikipedia, the marriage equality map.

Though it lacks the obvious credibility of a moderated, authoritative source, this Wikipedia entry presents a ton of data and citations so you judge its validity and accuracy for yourself.

(From a quick overview of the things I know are true, this map is spot-on.)

It presents an interesting picture and gives a broader perspective. Sadly, the most interesting parts are Africa and the Middle East, where several countries have homoicidally antigay tendencies, and Asia, which is mostly blank.

In fairness, let's also give a shout-out to our northern neighbors, who often seem to be a benign (albeit cold!) alternative version of America. Oh, Canada!

2)
You may have already heard that Massachusetts, the first state with marriage equality, has, by far, the lowest divorce rates.

You may also have heard that the divorce rate has fallen every year since marriage equality occured. Now, post facto doesn't mean ipso facto. However, we now have more evidence of a correlation. Take a look:

Divorce Rates Higher in States with Gay Marriage Bans

Here's an excerpt of the first paragraph:

"Over the past decade or so, divorce has gradually become more uncommon in the United States. Since 2003, however, the decline in divorce rates has been largely confined to states which have not passed a state constitutional ban on gay marriage. These states saw their divorce rates decrease by an average of 8 percent between 2003 and 2008. States which had passed a same-sex marriage ban as of January 1, 2008, however, saw their divorce rates rise by about 1 percent over the same period."


3)
Lastly, take a look at:
The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage: Why same-sex marriage is an American value. by Ted Olson from Newsweek. Ted Olson is a conservative Name, being a lifelong Republican and part of the Reagan and Bush I administrations.

Take Action and Push Faltering ENDA!

As we approach the holiday season and the end of the year, the momentum behind the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is dropping.

Currently, 29 states, including North Carolina, let you be fired because you're lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Thirty-eight states, including North Carolina, let you be fired for being transgender.

ENDA would help ensure that people's employment is based on the quality of their work, not their sexual orientation or gender identity.

You can take action now on this national issue. Go to:

• United ENDA
• HRC's Pass ENDA Now

(And if you'd be interested in doing some statewide phone-banking here in the ENC office during the day on Wed, 12/9, let us know: e-mail me at shawn@equalitync.org.)

On Friday, a coalition of national groups joined together to encourage action on this important issue. Equality NC and other state groups have since signed onto the statement as well. A copy of the press release is below.

There's a saying:

"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago;
the second best time is right now."

The same is true of taking action for employment nondiscrimination.

==========
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

December 4, 2009

LGBT AMERICANS OUTRAGED AT DELAY IN BASIC JOB RIGHTS

In light of continuing delays in the House of Representatives, we must state clearly and unequivocally: Passing basic job protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people must happen now. At a time when our government is deeply focused on the critical issue of employment, it is inexcusable to delay action on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Each and every job lost to prejudice based on sexual orientation and gender identity needlessly compounds the unemployment challenges facing our nation. We call on Congress for the immediate passage of ENDA.

For decades now, we have called upon Congress to pass legislation to address the basic right of LGBT people to work free from discrimination at our jobs, and now Congress tells us we must wait another year. In 29 states, it remains legal to fire people based on sexual orientation and in 38 states, discrimination based on gender identity remains legal. In failing to take swift action to pass ENDA, our government allows unfettered bigotry to go unchecked, leading to the loss of jobs, fear in the workplace, economic instability, and personal hardship, while allowing employers to lose competent experienced workers. ENDA is urgently needed by our communities.

The majority of Americans consistently state their support for employment protections and voters have affirmed similar state and local measures. There is absolutely no reason for Congress to continue to delay this non-controversial bill or drop LGBT issues to the bottom of their agenda. We will not be denied basic rights any longer. Nothing is more important than protecting peoples’ jobs so ENDA must pass now. Further delays are absolutely unacceptable.

Matthew Coles & James Esseks, Co-Directors, American Civil Liberties Union LGBT Project
Terry Stone, Executive Director, CenterLink: The Community of LGBT Centers
Lisa Kove, Executive Director, DOD Federal Globe
Toni Broaddus, Executive Director, Equality Federation
Jennifer Chrisler, Executive Director, Family Equality Council
Lee Swislow, Executive Director, Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders
Jarrett Tomás Barrios, President, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
Caleb Laieski, Director of Legislative Affairs, GLUAD
Joe Solmonese, President, Human Rights Campaign
Rachel T. Niven, Executive Director, Immigration Equality
Earl Fowlkes, President/CEO, International Federation of Black Prides, Inc.
Kevin Cathcart, Executive Director, Lambda Legal
Christian Berle, Director of the Log Cabin Republicans National Office
Sharon J. Lettman, Executive Director/CEO, National Black Justice Coalition
Kate Kendell, Executive Director, National Center for Lesbian Rights
Mara Keisling, Executive Director, National Center for Transgender Equality
Rebecca Fox, Executive Director, National Coalition for LGBT Health
Rea Carey, Executive Director, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund
Michael Mitchell, Executive Director, National Stonewall Democrats
Gregory Varnum, Executive Director, National Youth Advocacy Coalition
Selisse Berry, Founding Executive Director, Out & Equal Workplace Advocates
Jody Huckaby, Executive Director, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) National
Jo Kenny, Interim Director, Pride at Work AFL-CIO
Masen Davis, Executive Director, Transgender Law Center

The South Will Rise Again (In A Positive, Inclusive Way, That Is ...)!

It's easy to get caught up in some of the major LGBT news events that happen in other parts of the country (e.g., the gain - and then loss - of marriage equality in California and Maine), but we shouldn't lose sight of the incremental but significant victories that are occurring here in the South.

Our neighbors and fellow citizens believe in fairness, and the more open and visible LGBT folks become, the more progress we'll make in our neighborhoods and towns.

Consider:

• Georgia just elected the nation's first black lesbian legislator (an inclusive twofer!). Simone Bell, won a runoff election to represent Georgia State House District 58. For more than 20 years, she worked as an activist and advocate in Atlanta and across the South, tackling issues of workplace equality, access to affordable health care, fighting HIV/AIDS stigma and discrimination, safe schools for all children, youth empowerment, and women’s issues. She becomes the second openly LGBT member of the Georgia State House, joining Rep. Karla Drenner.

• Atlanta voters elected the city’s first gay man, and first Asian-American, (again, a two-in-one step forward) to the city council. Alex Wan will represent District 6 after winning an election run-off. He is development director of Jerusalem House, Atlanta’s oldest and largest provider of permanent, supportive housing for homeless or low-income individuals and families living with HIV/AIDS.

• Washington (not the original, historic one we have here in North Carolina, but instead that second one in D.C. that likes to hog the headlines) just had their city council vote in favor of marriage equality (in the first of two votes). This initial vote was almost unanimous with 11 against two voting to legalize same-sex marriage. And signs are positive for the next vote in a couple of weeks.
  
  (According to Our Families Count, D.C. has the largest percentage of same-sex couples in the nation, where 1.5 percent of all households comprise same-sex couples. This is more than double the documented percentage of any state.)
  

• Just a couple of weeks ago, the Charleston, SC, City Council passed legislation that prohibits discrimination in matters of public accommodation and housing and includes protection for LGBT folks. Now, South Carolina is not a bastion of progressive, gay-positive liberalism. This is a huge victory for fairness and equality.

• A few months ago, AAA South (the 4th largest AAA affiliate in the country, covering more than 4 million members in Florida, Georgia, Tennessee and Puerto Rico) said it recognized all spouses, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. The policy now lets gay married couples receive spousal discounts under AAA's Associate Membership program. This happened after Equality Florida launched conversations with AAA after receiving calls from gay couples who had been denied family memberships.

Add all that to our amazing wins in North Carolina this year and you see a region that is moving closer to equality day by day.

Change doesn't occur instantly. Instead, it happens bit by bit, locally and regionally before it finally culminates in larger, national progress.

Fairness doesn't come when the majority votes on rights for the minority. Instead, it comes when the minority is seen as ordinary, when LGBT struggles are seen as the regular travails of all folks, not something different or other. It comes from knowing our neighbors, being in the local PTA, shopping at the farmer's market, going to the movies as an out LGBT family.

Change is slow, but it does come, and it's happening all around us. It may sound hard to believe, but for the bright future of equality, look to the South.